Updated PartTitle: Healing Old Wounds
Author: NikitaFandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: HP/SS
Feedback: Always welcome at nik_cleo@h...Rating: G (so far, I think. Will be R or NC-17 in future.)
Summary: It's hard to heal old wounds...
Author's Note: Set in the future, but with flashbacks...XXXX HP/SS XXXX
Prologue
XXXX HP/SS XXXX
--
Mr. Harry Potter,
It is our greatest pleasure to offer you a position as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts.
We await your owl. Deadline for response...
--
Harry clenched his hand, crumpling the message as he turned his head to look out the window. Seven years. Seven years since he'd thought of returning to Hogwarts. Until now he hadn't thought he would ever even consider the possibility. But now...offered the DADA job? That Dumbledore would ask him to take on the responsibility of teaching future wizards and witches to defend themselves against the dark arts...it was far too tempting to just dismiss out of hand.
The question wasn't if he wanted the job. Or if he could succeed in it. The question was...could he face going back there? Would he be able to deal with old faces? Dumbledore. McGonagall. Hermione.
Snape.
Looking back at the crumpled message he stood up and walked over to his desk. Summoning a quill and parchment, he quickly wrote his reply as his owl waited. A small tawny colored owl he'd named Hermes waited patiently as he tied it to its leg.
It was times like these that he really missed Hedwig. Not only had she been his first owl, but also the first real present he'd ever been given for his birthday. As he watched Hermes fly off with his response he sat down.
Hagrid. It still hurt to think about him... That was one thing he would find missing at Hogwarts. They must've had a new groundskeeper and teacher for the Care of Magical Creatures class for a long time. But it would be a shock to see someone else living in Hagrid's hut and taking care of his animals and gardens. It would be especially hard not to be able to visit a friendly face.
Enough brooding, it never solved anything. Standing, Harry grabbed his broom and strode out the door. He had much to prepare...
XXX
Severus Snape sneered at the gargoyle. "Milk Duds." The gargoyle moved out of the way as he ascended the staircase to the Headmaster's office.
"Ah, Severus...prompt as usual. Tea?"
"Yes, thank you." Snape sat down at the fire and accepted a rather garish cup and saucer.
"Biscuit?" Dumbledore held out a plate of thin dark chocolate covered biscuits. Snape's favorite, which the headmaster knew very well.
Accepting one, he narrowed his eyes slightly. "Why do I get the feeling that there is terrible news coming my way?"
The headmaster gave him a bland look and sat down with his own tea and the rest of the plate of biscuits. "Not terrible. Rather good, actually. I've finally found a Defense teacher that I believe even 'you' will approve of. Quite qualified, good reputation and familiar with Hogwart's standards in teaching."
One elegant black eyebrow arched. "Oh? And who is it this time?" The potion master's voice made it clear he didn't expect much.
"A former student..." Dumbledore took a long sip of his tea and watched Snape over the rim of his cup for the words to sink in. He wasn't disappointed.
"Harry Potter." The words sounded like a death sentence as Snape set down his uneaten biscuit.
"Yes. Is that a problem?" Another sip. Severus was looking a trifle upset.
"You felt it might be. Hence the tea and biscuits. But it isn't. He should be an adequate teacher."
Dumbledore raised both eyebrows. "Indeed. That is high praise coming from you, Severus. I'm delighted I've finally found a teacher that meets your approval."
"I didn't realize you needed it."
"I didn't. But it's a pleasant surprise." A light chuckle from the headmaster only led to further glowering from the professor.
"If that was all?"
"Well really, Severus, there's no reason we couldn't enjoy our tea..."
"I've much to do. If I may?" Snape moved towards the door.
"Of course, of course. I'll be sure to tell Harry how much you are looking forward to working with him." The younger man halted ever so briefly before continuing out the door without a word or glance back.
Dumbledore finished his tea and stared thoughtfully at the closed door. This would be interesting indeed...
XXX
The train whistle blew and Harry glanced out the window. A few parents remained outside to wave goodbye to their departing children. As the train lurched forward he watched a particularly tearful mother wave a handkerchief and blow a kiss to some student in the car behind his. "Goodbye, Laney! Bye!" he heard faintly.
They left the station and the windows soon filled with the scenic countryside he'd seen so many times from within this very train. Looking down at his feet he picked up the book he'd set down next to him. 'The Dark Arts: An Extensive Guide to Defense' by Johan Battovan. It wasn't the most exciting book in the world, but it 'did' live up to its title, it was the most extensive book he could find that would cover all of the subjects and levels he would be teaching. It was a book that his students would hopefully keep long after their education was finished and use as a reference book. To bolster it he'd chosen a selection of smaller books for each year that covered a particular subject that they would study. Hopefully those would be more engaging to the students than their main book.
Flipping through the book, he freshened his memory on the different sections he would cover over the next week. He was thoroughly engrossed in his studies when he heard a tentative knock before the door opened.
"Have you seen a toad?" Hermione Granger stood at the doorway, a small smile on her face. Granger-Weasley, actually, Hermione had married Ron after finishing her post-graduate work.
"Why? Has a boy named Neville lost a toad?" Harry smiled, a facial expression that felt somewhat foreign to his face.
"No. But Professor Neville may have... Oh, Harry!" Hermione ran over and sat down on the seat, hugging him fiercely. "I've missed you so much!"
Harry patted her back and tried to move his nose out of her overabundant hair. It was as long as ever, bushier if possible. Hermione gave him one last squeeze and pulled back. Harry was startled to see tears glistening in her eyes.
"Ron's missed you horribly, too. He's going to be visiting as soon as possible. The ministry's a little busy at the moment but he's getting Percy to cover for him."
Harry nodded, unsure of what to say. She stared at him in a calculating way that reminded him far too much of the old days. Hermione with a mystery was a dog worrying a bone. He dreaded having that perceptive gaze on him. "What?" he asked finally.
"You seem different...are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine. Just tired...I was going over my lesson plans..."
Hermione's eyes lit up at the sight of the thick book next to him. "Oh! May I?"
Harry watched with relief as she became thoroughly engrossed in the book and fell silent for the rest of the journey.
The train came to a stop. Hermione glanced up with guilty surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry, Harry..."
"No problem."
Hermione opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by the door opening. "Ah, Hermione, there you are! Do you need- oh, Harry!"
Harry looked up in mild shock to see Neville standing at the door. He was dressed in dark blue professor's robes, still stocky but far more confident than the boy Harry remembered. "Hello, Neville. Teaching Herbology, I hear."
"Oh, yes. Professor Sprout retired two years ago. She recommended me for the job." Neville blushed slightly but seemed rather proud of himself.
Hermione left with Neville to fetch her things as Harry picked up his book and small bag. His trunks would be carried in for him, for now he needed to join the other professors in the carriages.
XXX
The carriage was filled not only with the other professors, but also several 7th year students. The chattering and motion inside the carriage left Harry with his thoughts as he stared ahead at their destination.
Looking up at the castle looming before them, Harry was filled with a mixture of fear and longing. Hogwarts. Once a place that he had called home.
A place that had welcomed him and the place where he had 'belonged.' Every year that he'd returned home to the Dursley's for the summer he'd secretly counted the days until the next term. He'd cherished the friends he'd made there...hidden the books he'd needed under the floorboards...
Knowing that he would return to Hogwarts again had been the only thing that had kept him going at times...
But for all that the place was a part of him...for all its happy memories...it had not been his home for many years. He remembered the night he had left. Horrified, grieving and utterly determined never to return to its walls.
Hogwarts was once his home. But it was also where his child had died.
Title: Healing Old Wounds
Author: Nikita
Fandom: Harry Potter
Paring: HP/SS
Rating: PG (some violence)
Summary: Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts several years after a terrible tragedy. Will he find that old wounds can still be healed?Author's Notes: Thanks to all who have threatened, cajoled and pleaded for the next part. I worked hard to get this part available as quickly as possible…
XXXX HP/SS XXXXPart One
XXXX HP/SS XXXX
Harry and the other teachers entered the castle through the main entrance along with the seventh years. Allowing the students to go through the main hall's doors, Hermione grabbed Harry's elbow and led him to the side door behind the teacher's table.
"Nervous, Harry?"
"A little, I guess… I'm not looking forward to being stared at."
"Relax, they'll be distracted by the first years and then the feast. Everyone will be so happy to see you, though."
Harry stepped out into the main hall and looked at the teachers already sitting at the table. His eyes were automatically drawn to the back of one particular head. Black hair fell just past the collar, not a single white hair ruined the effect of the jet mane as it gleamed beneath the candlelight.
"Yes, I'm sure."
Hermione gave him an odd look before Neville bumped into the two of them and they finally approached the table. As the last teachers to arrive, they sat down at the available seats. Hermione sat next to McGonagall, Neville at the far end of the table next to a small man that sat in Hagrid's usual seat. Harry approached the remaining chair with trepidation. It `would' be next to Snape. Sitting, he kept his eyes focused forward, to the teaming masses of students that were still spilling into the hall. He was hyperconscious of the presence at his right but neither man spoke a word.
The tension was broken by the sudden bump on his left. "Oh! Sorry." Harry glanced over and saw a small woman with mousy brown hair. "I'm Lenora Lilac, Divinations professor, you're Harry Potter, the new DADA professor, are you not?"
"Ah, yes. Did your crystal ball tell you that?" Harry immediately bit his own tongue, he hadn't meant to snap, and certainly not say that out loud. Harry could swear he heard a snort to his right but ignored it. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Yes, you did. I take it you haven't had a good experience with divination? Sybil Trelawney had several good visions in her lifetime actually, but she was quite a showman. Couldn't resist the trappings of the stereotype…"
Harry felt the corner of his mouth quirk up slightly. "Yes. Still, I shouldn't have said that. I apologize."
"No offense taking, dear. You're going through a rather difficult transition now. Troubling times ahead. You'll need the strength and comfort of your friends and loved ones… And `that' I `did' see in my crystal ball." She smiled and patted his hand that lay next to his plate.
Another snort to his right. Harry nodded to her as she turned her head away to look at the students as the hall began to quiet. He looked over at the main seat and saw that Dumbledore had somehow managed to appear without him noticing.
As professor McGonagall led the first years in, Harry found himself drifting, unable to pay attention to the ritual. He recalled his own first year. The wonder and excitement, and the friends he had made then. He glanced down the table towards Hermione. She was watching the sorting ceremony with studied concentration.
The first years were sorted quickly and the new students finished settling in their seats as McGonagall tapped her water goblet. The headmaster stood up and Harry watched with faint concern, as it seemed to take a bit of effort for the old wizard to stand up from his chair. Indeed, as Harry watched, he noticed the man was leaning against the table remain steady.
"Welcome, welcome. I have a few short announcements before we begin our feast. We have a new professor this year in the position for the Defense Against the Dark Arts. He has a great deal of experience in this subject and has graciously agreed to impart his knowledge to you students. You likely have heard of him already…Mr. Harry Potter." Harry was acutely aware of every eye in the hall upon him. Standing up, he bowed slightly towards the hall and then towards Dumbledore before sitting.
"Mr. Potter is one of Hogwarts own and as such we welcome him back most heartily." The hall broke out in thundering applause. Hermione and Neville stood up and applauded just as hard. Harry felt himself blushing furiously and he nodded, hoping they would all stop soon. Dumbledore raised his glass high and saluted him with it, much the way he had done that first night all those years ago when Harry had come to Hogwarts for the first time.
The applause died down and the headmaster continued with the usual warning about the Forbidden Forest. He then clapped and food appeared on the table. "Let the feast begin."
Upon the teacher's table appeared a large roast beef, potatoes, carrots and more. Harry helped himself to a small portion of each and spent an inordinate amount of time cutting the meat, separating the potatoes and mashing the carrots into pulp. Grabbing a dinner roll he tore it into small pieces. His thoughts swirled around his mind as he wondered where his rooms would be and how much preperation he needed before classes begun the next day.
"You don't like your food?" The quiet question intruded on his thoughts and Harry started.
"What?" He glanced in the direction it had come. Snape.
"Your food. Apparently it has done something terrible to you for you to mangle it so badly."
Harry felt a swell of anger so sudden that it startled even him. "It's none of `your' concern. I'm simply not hungry."
The potions master's eyebrows raised slightly, a faint smirk upon his face. "Indeed. Far be it for me to imply that your welfare is my concern. Excuse me." Snape stood and left the table, his own food only half finished.
Harry immediately regretted his response. Why was he snapping at everyone? At least he hadn't bitten Hermione's head off. He could use at least `one' friend right now. Still, he didn't think he could handle talking to even Hermione right now. He was feeling rather… thin skinned. That was it. He was nervous and on edge…ready to snap at any that threatened his fragile hold on himself.
Excusing himself from the table, he exited the hall from the same door that Snape had vanished from moments earlier.
Hermione watched him leave. Snape had been rather irritated when he left and Harry looked terribly sad. She turned back to her conversation with McGonagall but decided to keep an eye on both men.
XXX
`Blast the boy!' Snape hadn't meant to say `anything' to him. He'd meant to stay silent. If Potter wanted to talk to him, fine. If not, that was fine, too. He hadn't meant to be the one to break the ice. `He' wasn't the one that needed to make amends…
But the blasted boy was so…near…so warm. His presence next to him burned so hotly that Snape was sure his robes were singed along the left side. The urge to reach out and touch him…at least speak to him, had been too great. And when he'd noticed the boy tearing up his food and eating no more than two bites…he'd finally broken his own promise to himself.
And had been duly smacked down. Fool. He had given up his own power. Freely made himself open to the boy's snide comments. Not a boy any longer…a man. For all that Harry Potter was twenty years younger than him…he had grown to be a man in the years since he'd last seen him. Potter had never had an ounce of fat on him, always tended towards leanness, but if he could have been said to have any baby fat at one time…it was gone. And left behind was a bold, strong face with the same dazzling green eyes that no longer hid behind glasses. Apparently he'd decided to finally charm his own eyes to no longer need them. The effect was to bring his face out of hiding; he was far more beautiful than before.
Merlin help me…I'm turning into some besotted fool over his eyes. How trite.
No matter. It is clear he is uninterested in ceasing hostilities between us. Very well. I do not need the distraction or mess of dealing with the man on any level other than fellow academic. I shall be strictly professional and limit our dealings to only those strictly necessary.
I will not allow such vulnerability to show again…
XXX
Harry wound his way through the corridors and down the stairs to the dungeons. For that was were the DADA's rooms were kept, apparently. It made perverted sense. The last place he wanted to be right now was near Snape. So of course, that was were he would live.
No matter. Knowing Snape, at least the dungeons would be quiet. In fact, the very idea of being in one of the upper levels near the students or other professors filled him with more dread than the idea of occasionally bumping into the potions master.
He opened his door and found a wonderful sight awaiting him. The house elves had prepared his rooms, his few belongings were scattered around the room, welcoming him. Although the rooms had likely been decorated with Slytherin colors before, Gryffindor red and gold greeted him now. Two dark red chairs stood before his fireplace with a small matching pillow of red with gold tassels at the ends. A large red tapestry hung from the wall decorated with a faded Gryffindor crest upon it. Peeking into the next room, he saw a four poster bed complete with dark red canopy and sheets. The rest of the room was furnished with dark wood furniture and Turkish rugs.
It was wonderful. Far more luxurious than he was used to. His own meager belongings managed to blend in with the room's décor and lent it a more homey air than it would have without them. It looked like… well, home. He decided to examine the rooms more closely later. For now, the bed beckoned him.
Laying down, he was pleasantly surprised to find the bed firm, but cushy enough to be relaxing. Closing his eyes he tried to focus on a good feeling…he wanted peace and solitude right now… But if he had a choice, he wished he could talk to someone without too many complications…some one that would have been jovial but a good listener. Hagrid.
Gods, that was a mistake. In thinking the giant's name he summoned the memory of the last time he'd spoken with him…
XX Flashback XX
Seventh Year…
Harry watched as Hagrid fed Fang a bowl of specially made formula. The dog was dying. There was no doubt about it. The poor animal was old and sick and all but Hagrid could see that he was ready to be put down. Normally Hagrid would have been the first to recognize this fact, but when it came to his pet…
" `Ere you go, old pal…that's it! `E's looking better, ain't he, `Arry? I told you that special diet would do it…putting the meat back on `is bones, it is."
Harry looked at the large black dog again. Not so large anymore…Fang was wasting away. True, Hagrid had managed to feed him enough to help a little, but it was obvious that it was only a temporary solution.
"Yeah. He looks a little better, but Hagrid…" Hagrid looked up at him with solemn eyes that begged him not to finish. "…never mind. How about a walk?"
"Oh, well, Fang's not up to a walk just yet. `E'll be taking a nap, I expect. But you and I can go." Fang was led back to his bed by the fire before Hagrid finally joined Harry outside. It was a lovely day, late spring. Harry really should have been studying for his exams but it was too nice a day to miss. Hermione and Ron were in the library, Hermione studying and Ron trying to sneak a snog in every once in a while. Harry needed a break and Hagrid could use a little cheering up.
"…and over `there' Professor Dumbledore told me I could plant some more - " Hagrid's rambling was interrupted by the sudden appearance of three Death Eaters.
"Run! `Arry!" The words were the last Harry heard as a flash of green light struck him before he could even raise his wand.
He woke with a dull thudding headache. His eyes cracked open with some difficulty, they had been sealed shut by something, his hands reached up to rub the gunk away. His wrists were heavy with some sort of metal…cuffs. Staring down at his hands he saw his fingers had rubbed away something dark red from his eyes, blood? His wrists were encircled with heavy shackles connected to large chains. Struggling to sit up he felt the heavy shackles on his ankles as well. He was too weak to sit up, though, and couldn't see them.
"My lord, he is awake." Harry looked up and saw a Death Eater's mask inches from his face. The Death Eater pulled back and stepped away. Beyond him was a chair in which a figure was seated.
Voldemort.
XX End Flashback XX
Harry sat up in his bed safe in Hogwarts. Rubbing his wrists from the memory of those cold heavy shackles, he felt a terrible pain in his chest. Hagrid. He'd later learned the giant had died trying to protect Harry from the Death Eaters. They'd killed him because of Harry. Because of him. How many had to die because of him?
Much later he'd learned that the wards against apparating at Hogwarts had been circumvented for only a few moments. Dumbledore quickly fixed the problem and no further attacks were made or possible. Of course, the damage was too late. Voldemort had gotten Harry Potter.
Harry lay down again and rolled over onto his stomach. Dumbledore had told him…some time after he'd returned to Hogwarts, that Snape had been furious to learn of his abduction. He'd apparently interrogated the 5th year student that had witnessed the act. She'd been in tears when he'd finished and Dumbledore had taken him aside.
Snape had been so worried…he'd gone that night when Voldemort called him. And that had been when he saw Harry once more.
Pushing these thoughts from his mind, Harry eventually fell into a restless sleep.