Updated PartTitle: Let the Bodies Hit the Floor.
Fandom: Harry Potter and Ranma 1/2
Archive: Please. Just tell me first, 'kay?
Ratings: Probably 18 in the later parts
Parts: Few? Many?
Status: Incomplete
Authors notes:
Blah Blah Blah . . . . If I said I owned them would you really believe me? Okay. So they belong to their respective creators, Rumiko Takahashi and J. K. Rowling. Damnit.
1.
V. bad day. Vvvvvvvvvv bad day. Crap day. Shitty day. Awful day. Crap all round.
I should have known it would be a bad day as soon as I woke up. I had that taste in my mouth. Y' know. Feels like something with bad BO been using your mouth as a crapper. Then I noticed the time. One hour after I was supposed to get up. Smashed my damn stupid alarm clock against the wall.
I debated about having a shower. Realised I really needed a shower. Truly. Honestly. Shower broken. Nothing but boiling water. Banged my head on the wall a few times. Cleaned up the best I could with a flannel. Feel even more shitty than when I woke up. Washed my teeth three times. Damn toothbrush doesn't work this time. I want to kill something.
Walk to kitchen. Trip over cat. Walk to coffeemaker. Trip over cat. Get mug. Trip over cat. Drink coffee. Trip over cat, spill hot coffee all over myself. Kill fucking cat! (didn't though. Damn) Have to change clothes. Smell even worse now. Mouth now tastes like something died in it. My bed is calling me. Must resist. Stumble, literally, through door (tripped over damn cat again!). Fall into car (fucking, fucking cat). 1 1/2 hours late. Stuck in traffic. The Gods hate me. Thunderstorm appears from nowhere. Oh yeah.Get to Micah's place two and a half hours late.Feel like a kettle about to boil over. Micah's waiting for me. His face is as puckered as a cats arsehole. Fucking idiot. Fucking prissy idiot. Get's into the car and sniffs at me. Bastard. I start growling under my breath.
Get to work. Walk in. Get my ass pinched. Mustn't kill George. Mustn't kill george. But I want to! Walking towards office. Get ass pinched again. Turn around, knee guy in the balls. Feel much better now. Kick him in the ribs. Much much better. Walk into office. Slam door. Tension ebbing away. Ooh yeah. See who's sitting behind my desk. Get tense again. Urge to kill. Must resist. Must not succumb to the dark side.
Get chewed out for being late. Told I have to work late to make up for it. Whimper. Feel anger start to grow. Hulk must smash! Told to go out, catch troll. Stinky shitty smelly things. Vein in temple throbbing. Teeth grinding. Told I have to take Micah. Left eye begins to twitch. Boss leaves looking smug. Throw head back and scream. Feel marginally better.
Leave office. Staff part before me like the red sea. Feel little more better. Hear comment on PMT. Blush. . . . then turn and punch whisperer.II.
Okay, lets recap. My name is Janus Knight. Most people call me Jake, even though I'm now a hermaphrodite. I am 19 years old and 5"3'. I have vertically striped auburn and blond hair, long. I also have a tail. It looks kinda like Nightcrawlers, from the X-men (big fan. Love that Wolverine), but reddish blonde, with a sharp point on the end, and two spikes facing back along my tail. I am also an empath.
FAQ's
Q. Was I born a hermaphrodite?
A. No.Q. Do I like it?
A. Yes and no?Q. How did it happen?
A. Well, I work for the supernatural police force, have since I was 18. I get used as a lie detector, and, oh yes, at the time I was a male human. About six months 12 days and 4 hours ago, I got in the way of a snake guy who poisoned me. They managed to cure me, but the anti-venin got contaminated with something (we're still not sure what) and it changed me into a hermaphrodite.Q. Why am I so pissy today?
A. Well, believe it or not, this is not my usual emotional state. I'm usually pretty easygoing, and slightly shy. However, 1 week ago I started having serious mood swings. One minute I'd be weepy, the next snarly. I know what you're thinking, but I'm not pregnant. Yet. And that's the problem. Apparently, I'm going into heat, and the hormones washing around are making me a bit batty. It should settle down by the next time I go into heat. My big problem this time is that, according to my doctors, if I don't get pregnant this time there won't be a next time. So I have two weeks at worst and a month at best to get pregnant. And that's the other part of the problem. I'm scared.No idea where this one came from. Since J.K. Rowling seems not to like it when people "steal" her ideas (like that Russian) I'll put it simply. I read a lot. I have no life. If this seems similar to something you've read before then sorry. One day a fan asked Terry Pratchett that if he read too many books would it make him a bad author, as he was bound to subconsciously recycle someones storyline. Mr Pratchett said "read more". I think that sums it up.
I have never read a Ranma comic, or seen a Ranma episode, but I have read more than 500 fics and articles about it (as I said, I have no life), so I will probably get things wrong. And I hate all other members of the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Expect PAIN!
KNEAZLE = The Kneazle was originally bred in Britain, though it is now exported worldwide. A small cat-like creature with flecked, speckled or spotted fur, outsize ears and a tail like a lions, the kneazle is intelligent, independent and occasionally aggressive, though if it takes a liking to a wizard or witch, it makes an excellent pet. The Kneazle has an uncanny ability to detect unsavoury or suspicious characters and can be relied upon to guide it's owner safely home if they are lost. Kneazles have up to eight kittens in a litter and can interbreed with cats. Licenses are required for ownership as Kneazles are sufficiently unusual in appearance to attract Muggle interest.
Prologue
At birth, Draco Malfoys life was already mapped out for him: Become a Dark Arts master. Be worthy of the Malfoy name. Bring honour to the Malfoy name. Marry a pureblood that his parents chose. Produce Malfoy heirs. Repeat for the next Malfoy generation.
At birth, Ranma Saotomes life was already mapped out for him: Become a martial Arts master. Be worthy of the Saotome school. Bring honour to the Saotome name. Marry a girl that his father chose. Produce Saotome heirs. Repeat for the next generation.
Have you ever managed to follow a map successfully? Something always goes wrong, doesn't it?
Chapter 1.
Draco was bored and lonely, and it was raining out, so he decided to go to the library to find something to read. At 7 years old he had already mastered many simple hexes, and was ready to move on to curses. While looking for some new, nasty ones he found a book that had fallen down behind the others. Pulling it out, he found that it was small, little larger than one of his fathers hands, bound in filthy, dirt and mud stained leather. On the front, and repeated on the side, was a half moon in silver, and holding the book closed was a clasp. Feeling curious, Draco took the book to one of the tables, turned the key and opened it. On the fly leaf was written 'Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis' (it is better to endure that what one cannot change {I hope I got that right}) Turning further, Draco was disappointed to see that the pages were blank. He flipped through the rest of the book, only to find that the same was true of the rest of the book. He went to return the book, but hesitated, and slipped it into his pocket instead.
Ranma was bored and lonely. His father had left him alone again, to go and get supplies. He figured the old bastard had just gone to steal some more sake again. At 9 years old, Ranma was already far beyond most of his peers in the martial arts, but for now, he wanted to do something else. Anything else. Looking for something to do, he searched through the pile of stuff they had been 'given' at the last place they had stopped. All that his father hadn't sold for booze money was some rags, and a dirty, leather bound book. Picking it up, Ranma saw that it had a half sun on the front and spine, in brass, and was held at the side with a clasp.
Sitting down, he opened the book up, and saw a Japanese inscription on the fly leaf. It read 'It is better to endure what one cannot change'. Flicking through the book, Ranma found that all the pages were blank. He momentarily felt disappointed, then decided to use the book as a diary. Finding a pen, he began to write.Draco went up to his room after dinner to change. As always, it had been a cold affair, with Lucius droning on about purebloods this, purebloods that, and complaining about the number of mudbloods in the ministry. Narcissa, as always, agreeing with everything her husband said. Draco, as always, made the appropriate reponses, and demonstrated a new curse he had learnt.
Taking off his robe, Draco felt the weight of the book in his pocket, and decided to have another look at it. Sitting down at his desk, he opened it up, and immediately saw writing on the first page. He read "My name is Saotome Ranma. I am 9 years old and I am a martial artist. My fathers name is Genma and my mother is dead . . . ." It continued, detailing Ranmas life. Draco was fascinated, and kept reading.
After two hours he caught up to the end, to see writing appearing on the page before his eyes. He watched on for a few more minutes, before hesitantly fetching a quill. He bit his lip for a second, then decided to take a chance. Bringing quill to paper, he wrote "Hello Ranma, my name is Draco".Seeing those words appear on the page, Ranma reared back in shock. He turned the book over, then flipped the pages a few times. Then he started to write again "Hello, Draco. How did you do that?" "Do what?" Draco wrote. "Make your words appear in my book. Is it magic?" "Of course", came the reply, "you do know about magic don't you?"
Ranma's pride wouldn't let him admit to any weakness, so he assured Draco that he did. The two boys kept writing through the night. Draco figured out that the two books were called scribes. They were used in the past for communication before talking by floo became easier. They were also used between people for whom Owling or floo talking would have been too dangerous, but fell out of fashion when the wizarding world learned how to communicate discreetly with mirrors. Their set had to be at least 150 years old. The books could also translate their words, which made everything easier since they were communicating in very different languages.
By the time, a week later, that Ranma admitted he didn't actually know anything about magic, it was too late for Draco to back off. Both boys had finally found a friend that they could keep. Ranma was always moving around, so never got the chance to stay long enough to make a real friend. It was Ranma who discovered that they were the only people who were able to see the books, when his father ransacked his pack to go on another binge. Genma was so desperate for cash this time that he even took the rags that he ignored the last time. He completely ignored the book, even though it had fallen into plain sight.
For Draco, this was a godsend. Lucius only ever allowed him friends of his selection. They were, needless to say, all purebloods, well connected and as predatory as acromantula. None would hesitate to report un-Malfoy like behaviour to Lucius, and he was expected to do the same by their families. After he tested out the books invisibility, he began confiding in Ranma more and more.Chapter II
10 years later.
Ranma was fed up. His life was a constant round of fights. Fighting Genma, Akane, Ryouga, Tarou, Happosai, Kuno et al. It made him sick and angry. Sick of his life and angry that all his efforts to change it had come to nothing. Maybe it was time to trade it all in.
Draco was afraid. He had heard his father talking after the tri- wizard cup. After Voldemort had come back. What he had heard had terrified him. He had always wondered why his school year and the two before were the largest Slytherin classes in the past 100 years. The Death Eaters, Lucius Malfoy included, had been conducting experiments with their own children, trying to breed more powerful wizards. He almost laughed at the irony. His father, who was so obsessed with keeping the Malfoy line 'pure' that he wouldn't even consider marrying Draco to someone who had even a drop of muggle blood, had created his son by combining his and Narcissas blood with that of non- human creatures. Not just that, but some of them were not even intelligent, they were just beasts. Draco had, after the overheard conversation, identified himself as having Veela, Vampire and Kneazle blood, as well as several others he was unable to identify.
He rose to his feet and walked over to his desk. He hesitated for a moment before sitting down and opening his scribe. No new messages from Ranma yet today. He worried at his thumbnail. The worst thing that he had heard was not what had been done to him, but what was going to be done. They were planning, when he was 'ready' to marry him off to then breed him with one of the senior Deatheaters.
He could only assume that by 'ready' they meant capable of bearing children. If that was so then he really was in trouble.
During the last school term he had become a hermaphrodite, when he found the skin behind his testicles peeling away painfully, to leave a new opening. The only upside had been that he didn't have breasts. At the same time he had noticed himself becoming almost insanely attracted to members of the male gender, and they becoming very much more interested in himself. It was particularly strong in the boys in his year and the one above. He felt sick. All the males who showed so much interest in himwere ones who had been 'modified'. He could only assume it was the kneazle blood in him that had made him come into heat. Fortunately, Voldemorts return had eclipsed his personal troubles. He knew for sure that if his father had found out he would even now be on his back, forced to spread his legs by a Deatheater.
At that thought, he began to write.When Ranma read Draco's message, it made him sick, and afraid for his friend. He made his mind up then. It would take some planning, and he'd need more money, but he wouldn't let Draco down.
Leaving the Tendo Dojo, he headed for Dr. Tofu's practice. He had been surprised a few months ago to find out that the doctor not only knew about the wizarding world, he was part of Japans Ministry of Magic. After finding out that Ranma knew about Wizards, Tofu added to the magical education that Ranma received from Draco. Although Ranma might have appeared clueless, he had mastered quite a number of spells. Levitation spells came in quite handy when Akane tried to knock him into orbit with that mallet of hers.
After a few hours discussion with Tofu, he was now officially a Hogwarts student, incredibly (he had to find out how the man did it), in Draco's year. He had even offered to pay Ranma's fare to England, but Ranma had gently refused. He knew exactly where to get the money.
At dawn the next day, considerably richer by a few thousand pounds, went back to the Tendo Dojo. Choosing to avoid the fight that he knew would break out if he showed his face, he used the Umi Sen Ken to slip into his room and gather his pack. Taking everything he needed, he slipped downstairs and left a note on the table, with a single word on it. Goodbye.
Ranma had a week before he was due to fly out to England. He spent those nights earning money in pitfights. On 25th August, Ranma Saotome left the Land of the Rising Sun for the Land of Hope and Glory.
Even Ranma, slightly jaded by years of travel, had to admit that Diagon Alley was a pretty startling, but cool place, even if the cat's in the magical creatures shop were giving him the willies. Stopping briefly at Gringotts to change Ranmas money, Tofu took Ranma to Madam Malkins robe shop. Ranma wasn't too happy about the school robes, until it was pointed out that he could still wear his clothes underneath, and anyway, if Mousse could fight in robes, why couldn't he? The next stop was Ollivanders, to collect a wand. Ranma had proven to be handy with wandless magic, but he knew he had to get a wand to perform the more complex spells. After two hours, he finally found his wand. Ironically, it was Sandalwood with a Phoenix feather core. After buying his books, Ranma and Tofu stayed in the Leakey Cauldron for the next few days, studying. The day before he was due to leave, Ranma, who had been telling Draco he was still in Japan, sent him a message 'keep a straight face.'Chapter III
Hogwarts Express
Draco rose the morning he was due to leave for Hogwarts in a decided muddle. His last message from Ranma had been decidedly confusing. What the hell was he up to? Dressing he went downstairs for breakfast before leaving for King's Cross.
As usual, they got to the station just minutes before the train was due to leave. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were of the distinct belief that an entrance should always be made. Unfortunately for Draco, this meant that he could never find carriage to himself and had to sit with his 'friends'. Pulling his trunk through the trains corridor, he wondered where the hell Crabbe and Goyle were, since they usually hauled his luggage around for him. Hearing raised voices coming from the end of the train, he guessed that they were fighting with Weasley again. At least he'd be spared their inane talking for a few more minutes.
Distracted, he jumped when a finger poked him in the ribs.
Turning with the Malfoy sneer on his lips, they instead parted into a gasp when he stared right at a red silk clad chest. Looking further up, he saw a smiling mouth, and then a pair of blue eyes. Before he had the chance to say anything, he was relieved of his trunk and ushered into an empty compartment, which was locked and soundproofed behind him.
"Ranma!" he finally managed to gasp.
The boy before him smirked, preened and said "yup. The one and only Ranma Saotome in the flesh." He was almost knocked off his feet by the other boys hug.Draco suddenly pushed back and bopped him lightly on the arm.
"You bastard! Why didn't you tell me?" He shouted Ranma scratched the back of his head and said "um, 'cause I wanted to surprise you. You aren't pissed, are ya?"
"No, I'm happy, but . . .why are you here?"
"I'm goin' ta Hogwarts' like you. 'Sides, you really think I'm gonna let you suffer through this alone, do ya?"
Draco was silent for a moment, the said, in a rough voice "thanks, Ranma. So, are we going to pretend to be strangers, or do we tell everyone we know each other?"
"Hah, I got it all worked out.We tell 'em a half truth. We met on the train, we got to talking 'cause you speak Japanese. If yer Dad asks what you're doing, making nice with a mudblood, tell him you heard about my fight with Saffron, and you wanted to find out how a mudblood managed to defeat a Phoenix God. You can tell the rest of the Slytherins that too. I'll teach ya some moves too, so you can back it up."
"Wow, you did think it through. I'd better tell my father before he asks though. He won't be pleased otherwise. Now we're talking about fathers, how did you manage to get away from yours?"
The two boys spent the rest of the trip talking about what they had been doing in the last few days, and in Ranmas case, stuffing his face with food.Chapter IV
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
As they got off the train at the station, Ranma set off to the boats with Hagrid and the first years while Draco boarded one of the horseless carriages. He spent most of the journey to Hogwarts fending off questions from his fellow Slytherins about where he had been with a mysterious smirk, and the statement that he was working on something.
Ranma and the first years crossed the lake, and climbed up into the Entrance Hall, where they were given the standard speech by McGonagall about the Houses. After she finished she pulled Ranma to one side, and said, "Mr Saotome, due to the fact that you are older than the other students being sorted, you will be sorted last." Ranma nodded his understanding, and entered the Great Hall. As he came with the first-years, he spent the next few minutes examining the hall, while the others were sorted. Looking at the Slytherin table he waved at Draco. Looking at the other tables, he could clearly see a few dagger looks directed towards the Snake table.
At last it was his turn to sit on the stool, and pulled the hat over his head. In spite of being forewarned by Draco, he still started a little when the hat spoke to him
"Hmm. Never had a Japanese student before. Let's see, bravery, loyalty, courage, cunning, ambition and a thirst to prove yourself. Now where should I put you? Where would you want to go? Either Slytherin or Gryffindor would do for you, even a touch of Hufflepuff in there."
"Aren't you supposed to tell me where to go?"
"Mm-hmm. But I think you have a strong opinion in the matter, don't you?"
"I'd like to go in Slytherin, with Draco, please."
"Are you sure? They're not very fond of muggle-borns in there. You'd have more friends in Gryffindor. Oh well, it'd better be Slytherin then. You really are fond of that Malfoy boy aren't you?" Ranma just had time for his jaw to drop open in shock before the Sorting Hat bellowed "SLYTHERIN!"
Malfoy was the only one at the Slytherin to clap, until he elbowed Crabbe and Goyle, and sent a frosty glare at Pansy Parkinson.Chapter IV
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
As they got off the train at the station, Ranma set off to the boats with Hagrid and the first years while Draco boarded one of the horseless carriages. He spent most of the journey to Hogwarts fending off questions from his fellow Slytherins about where he had been with a mysterious smirk, and the statement that he was working on something.
Ranma and the first years crossed the lake, and climbed up into the Entrance Hall, where they were given the standard speech by McGonagall about the Houses. After she finished she pulled Ranma to one side, and said, "Mr Saotome, due to the fact that you are older than the other students being sorted, you will be sorted last." Ranma nodded his understanding, and entered the Great Hall. As he came with the first-years, he spent the next few minutes examining the hall, while the others were sorted. Looking at the Slytherin table he waved at Draco. Looking at the other tables, he could clearly see a few dagger looks directed towards the Snake table.
At last it was his turn to sit on the stool, and pulled the hat over his head. In spite of being forewarned by Draco, he still started a little when the hat spoke to him "Hmm. Never had a Japanese student before. Let's see, bravery, loyalty, courage, cunning, ambition and a thirst to prove yourself. Now where should I put you? Where would you want to go? Either Slytherin or Gryffindor would do for you, even a touch of Hufflepuff in there."
"Aren't you supposed to tell me where to go?"
"Mm-hmm. But I think you have a strong opinion in the matter, don't you?"
"I'd like to go in Slytherin, with Draco, please."
"Are you sure? They're not very fond of muggle-borns in there. You'd have more friends in Gryffindor. Oh well, it'd better be Slytherin then. You really are fond of that Malfoy boy aren't you?" Ranma just had time for his jaw to drop open in shock before the Sorting Hat bellowed "SLYTHERIN!"
Malfoy was the only one at the Slytherin to clap, until he elbowed Crabbe and Goyle, and sent a frosty glare at Pansy Parkinson. Shifting up, Draco made a space for Ranma to sit next to him, ignoring the incredulous stares of his classmates.
"Welcome to Slytherin", he said. Dumbledore stood up, and following the usual speech, forbidden forest dangerous, blah blah blah, banned items blah blah blah, he finally said "and today we also have a foreign student joining Hogwarts, Ranma Saotome. I'm sure you will all join me in making him feel welcome here." This was met by unenthusiastic clapping by the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, glares and curious stares from the Gryffindors and Slytherins. Chapter V. (words in ** translated from Japanese)After the feast was finished, Draco and Ranma sought out Professor Snape. Stopping him, Draco oozed charm, and Ranma slight incomprehension.
"Yes, Mr Malfoy, what is it you want?"
"Professor Snape, since this year we are being given twin rooms, I wonder if it would be possible for Ranma and I to share. Since I am perhaps the only student here who speaks Japanese, I thought it might make him a little more comfortable."
Snape looked at the smiling Ranma, confused. Why the hell would Malfoy, of all people, actually talk to a muggle born student, let alone volunteer to share a room with one? Turning back to Draco, all he saw was an expression of polite interest. Well, he had to keep the boys father sweet, so he might as well agree.
"Very well, Mr Malfoy. Tell the house elves to move Mr Saotomes things into your room."
"Thank you sir" With that, Draco turned around and led Ranma to the Slytherin dungeon. They halted in front of a portrait of Edmund Blackadder (a notorious, if unproven, dark wizard), and gave the password. In truth, the password was not needed. Blackadder was notoriously bad tempered, and only let in people he approved of. Needless to say, he only let in Slytherins.
Looking at Ranma, he sneered "oh dear gods, a mudblood. What the hell did you fetch him here for, Malfoy?"
Motioning Ranma through the door, Draco leaned close to the tetchy portrait and whispered, "ssh. I'm using him for a . . . project, of mine. Just let him through when he asks, alright?" "Alright then, but only because it's you, dear boy."
Following Ranma through the door, he led him to their room (the largest, of course), to find that Ranmas clothes and things had already been put away.
Looking at Ranma, he saw that he was about to speak. Quickly, Draco said *we should talk in Japanese, if we want to say anything important. Down here, the walls can literally have ears.*
Nodding, Ranma said *Of course. What happened with the portrait?*
Draco laughed, and explained Blackadders history *I told him you were a project of mine, so he'll behave. Expect some nasty comments from him though. I'll show you the secret entrance tomorrow. I wouldn't worry too much though, he's wasn't really all that evil to begin with, just bad tempered. Don't tell any body else though.* Draco sighed, and said *I'd better write that letter to my father now.*
As Draco wrote, Ranma sat down to catch up on some more reading, occasionally asking Draco questions, before they turned in for the night.Chapter VI
Back Home
The next morning found Lucius Malfoy in a foul mood. He had received a late night owl telling him of his sons apparent friendship with the new mudblood foreign student. He supposed that his son must have some reason for it, and he was looking forward to that excuse, but he'd better not do anything to tarnish the Malfoy name.
As he was thinking that, his sons owl dropped a letter on to the breakfast table. Slicing the seal open, he read. 'Dear Father,
By now you must have heard from my esteemed classmates of my "friendship", with the new student Ranma Saotome. I can reassure you that I have not lost my mind. As you know, I have studied the languages and cultures of Japan and China, and I, and apparently only I, recognized his name.
I am sure that you remember, however, the name Saffron, Phoenix God, who was killed a while ago. The name of the man that killed him was Ranma Sotome. The same one that is now attending Hogwarts and has become my room mate. I felt it may be interesting to find out how a mudblood who, until recently knew only very basic magic, could destroy someone as powerful as the Phoenix God. Since Dumbledore appears to have the same intentions, I will be directing my attentions to educate Ranma as to the true powers of the magical world. I felt the best way to do this would be to befriend him. If it appears that Saffrons death was a fluke, steps can be taken. As always I remain your loving son,
Draco'Lucius leaned back in his chair and smiled. It seemed that his son hadn't gone soft after all. He had heard of Saffrons death, and admitted to being curious as to the circumstances of his demise. He wrote back to his son.
'Dear Draco,
I had heard of your new roommate, and admit to being slightly concerned. It appears, however, that your plan is sound, and I will let you continue with it for now. Take care that events do not get out of your control.
Lucius.'In Nerima, events were coming to a head. It had been two weeks since Ranma had left. Two weeks of fighting between the fiances and Ranmas enemies. Akane was in hospital, put there by Shampoo, who had broken her ribs, arms and legs. After that fight, it had been Ukyo and Shampoos fight, which Shampoo had just managed to win, putting both girls in the hospital too. The three girls were in different hospitals, the staff having long become fed up with the constant death threats.
Kodachi and Tatewaki Kuno were both in a psychiatric hospital, after they had been left in the care of a more sane relative when their father had moved permanently to Hawaii. Principal Kuno was in an American jail for trying to smuggle explosive coconuts into Hawaii.
The Tendo Dojo was in very bad shape. On one very bad day, it was the site of a fight between Mousse, Cologne, Pantyhose Tarou, Ryouga and Happosai. Upon seeing the damage, Kasumi and Nabiki had to be treated for shock, and Soun for dehydration from all the crying. And Genma? He was passed out drunk at the time.
Needless to say, all these people blamed Ranma for their troubles. So , these 14 people, who otherwise hated each other (with the exception of Kasumi, but you never know with her) had decided to band together and take out their frustrations on the one thing they had in common. Guess who?
To that end, Nabiki was scoring Japan for Ranma, while Cologne was doing the same with magic. If they didn't find him in Japan, then they'd just have to search further afield.{insert ominous roll of thunder}Chapter VII
Back to Hogwarts.
The next morning was a Saturday, and Ranma was up early to practice his martial arts. Unfortunately for Draco, Ranma had woken him up too, and was now insisting that he join in. So it was a very sleepy Draco that showed up for breakfast. Draco read his mail and smirked as Ranma shovelled his breakfast away. As Ranma left after breakfast to get changed, Draco was cornered by Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy Parkinson, who demanded, politely, to know what he thought he was doing and whether he had gone mad. Frowning, Draco told them that what he was doing was no concern of theirs, that he had his fathers permission, and that they would pretend to be friendly to Ranma, even if it killed them, before he too left the hall.
When he arrived back at their room, he found that Ranma was taking a shower, singing Konya Wa Hurricane (sorry, but I love the story Girl Days, by Robert Haynie).Seizing the opportunity, Draco pulled a velvet pouch out of his bedside drawer, and slid a ring out of it. It was a simple, silver ring, carved with a winged horse which had two tiny sapphires for eyes. Engraved on the inside was the name Ranma. Pulling out his personal spell book, Draco cast a spell on the ring, smiling faintly as it glowed. As it faded, the ring turned from a dull silver to polished mirror brightness, before fading back to silver, then aquiring an antiqued patina.
When Ranma stepped out of the bathroom, Draco had to swallow hard, to stop any drool escaping. He and Ranma had exchanged pictures through the scribes before, but god, he was sexy in real life. Fortunately Ranma had a towel over his eyes, so Draco had a few seconds to compose himself. His composure was almost lost when Ranma smiled at him through a veil of hair, then turned and bent to get a shirt. The only word he was capable of thinking that instant was chiselled. The spell was broken when Ranma closed the curtains around the bed so he could change. Draco couldn't decide what he was feeling right then, relief, disappointment, annoyance? Certainly a healthy shot of lust.
When Ranma emerged, Draco had retained almost full control of his hormones. Motioning Ranma to sit next to him, he gave him the silver ring.
*What's this*, he said.
*Try putting it on* Ranma did as he was told, and was taken by surprise a second later when a glass of iced water was thrown at his face. Throwing himself backwards by reflex, he landed on his backside, then looked at his chest in astonishment, patting it with his hands.
*The rings enchanted* said Draco, *any water that touches you gets warmed up. It's not a permanent cure, but eep!* He was cut off when Ranma picked him up, waltzing around the room chanting *thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!* Suddenly he blushed, and dropped Draco. He bowed to him and said "makotoni go shinsetsu de gozaimasu (what you have done or propose to do is a truly and genuinely kind and honourable deed)" Breaking the suddenly solemn moment, he leaned over and kissed Draco lightly on the lips. They stared at one another for a few seconds before Ranma held his hand out to Draco and said "come on, I thought you were going to show me around the school."Chapter VIII
Gryffindors finest.
As they walked past the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, Draco was finishing his explanation of the rings properties *so it won't really stop the curse, but it will let you control it a bit. It's alright for baths, but I'm not sure what would happen if you landed in the ocean or a river.*
*It doesn't matter. Any control is better than none.*
They were stopped by a voice shouting "what are you doing up here Malfoy? I thought your kind couldn't stand sunlight?"
Turning around they saw Ron, Harry and Hermione standing at the Fat Lady's portrait. Putting on a smile instead of the usual Slytherin Prince sneer, Draco turned to Ranma. "As you can see, Ranma, English students, particularly Gryffindors, are much less well mannered than the Japanese. I'm afraid Mr Weasley here is quite possibly one of the rudest students we have here at Hogwarts. Shall we see the Quidditch pitch now?"
With that, the two Slytherins left the three gaping Gryffindors.
Ron sputtered, face going red. "The nerve of that creep! Calling US bad mannered! I've got a mind to . . ."
Hermione grabbed Ron and took him to the portrait, gave the Fat Lady the password, "magical Mr Mistopholes" and dragged Ron inside, with Harry following quietly behind.
Ron was still ranting as they walked into the room "hex the little bastard, him and that friend of his. I bet they were up to something, something evil. Come on, you know he's practically a Death Eater, probably already is! C'mon Harry, you saw him!"
Looking around the common room, seeing all the faces looking back at them, Hermione and Harry marched Ron up to the boys dormitories.
After calming Ron down, and persuading him that, yes, Draco WAS evil, they should give Ranma the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was a muggle-born, who knows what the Slytherins were planning on doing to him.
As he lay in bed that night, though, Harry couldn't keep his mind turning to the small blonde Slytherin. Although he would be one of the first to admit that Draco was an evil minded bastard, he couldn't stop himself from admiring the blondes body everytime he saw him
In the next bed, Ron slept restlessly. In his dreams he was tormented by the sight of hard grey eyes, the feeling of sneering lips crushed against his, blonde hair gripped in his fists and a slender body underneath his own.