Title: Never Abandon Hope
Author: Restina Lovebug
Fandom: Chicago Hope
Pairing: None, Alan Birch as the preggie one :)
Summary: A controversial scientist uses the hospital lawyer as a gunieapig in her secret research. What will become of the lonesome lawyer and the secret growing beneath his heart?
Archive: The Mpreg- archive: go right ahead! Everybody else ASK first. (as in E-mailing me a request, not by racing your voice and asking me politely via the computer screen.;)
Rating: Erhmm.. PG13 maybe?
Parts: 6
Status: Completed
Series/Sequel: No, won't belong to any series, and there will not be a sequel.

Website: Nope, I hardly manage to send emails. :)

Disclaimer: Chicago Hope, may it rest in peace, is none of my business. I make no money of loaning David E Kellys caracters!

Authors notes: This is one piece of sappy fic! Not my best work, and originally not intended "published" on the Mpreg- list at all. But I felt I had to give the list a birthday present, and since I've got my head stuck in exams for the time being I had no choice but to dig in my files. So, here you are, happy birthday everybody! :)

Chapter 1

Marion Dreyford was a controversial scientist, to say the least. Tall, skinny and with her raven black locks of hair she looked like she was one of the Addams' family's lost daughters. She was in the middle of her forties, thin lines round her mouth and eyes indicating a life filled with much work. The scientist was as stubborn as she was brilliant, and Philip Watters, the Hospital Manager was starting to regret he ever hired the woman to Chicago Hope.

He was doctor by heart, but had recently been bumped upwards in the system and made Head of the Hospital, due to his experience and many years as a trusted member of the Chicago Hope family. He was the prime example of a kid originating from the slum, making it in a world that was growing more and more hostile against those with lesser means. Philip was proud of his Puerto Rican heritage, and he also helped run a boxing-club for children in the slum. In the midst of his fifties he was still a vivid man, and with his heart wrapped around the church he had become the very heart of Chicago Hope Hospital. But Ms. Dreyford was the big thorn in Philip's great jigsaw- puzzle of organising a smooth running hospital nowadays. The woman even caused him more headaches than the trouble-child Jeffrey Geiger who was his top heart-surgeon. And now she'd scheduled to meet him so she could lay forth some new plans of hers… Philip smelled trouble.

Chicago Hope was the best hospital money could buy, and often the doctors and scientists pushed borders to develop and improve health care. Philip just happened to be the lucky one trying to keep it all together. It's tricky business trying to run a hospital, and there was a reason for having a lawyer amongst the staff. Unluckily for Philip, Alan Birch, the lawyer, was stuck in court fighting against some lawsuit, and that meant Philip would have to face Ms. Dreyford, or The Dragon, as some preferred to call her- alone..

*-*

Ms. Dreyford didn't bother to knock on Philip's door, something that didn't surprise him much.. He watched her stroll into his office, with her hair tied in a bun on the top of her head and wearing Dame Edna glasses and a messy labcoat. Charming indeed.

"Philip!" she greeted as she slammed some papers down on his desk: "Finally the day has arrived!"

"For what?!" Philip barked, somewhat annoyed by the woman's dramatic entrance. A triumphant grin appeared on lips too red with lipstick.

"The time has come for me to start a program that's been in the works the last ten years!"

Philip denied himself the relief of rolling his eyes. Ms. Dreyford was certainly an eccentric caricature and she showed signs of all her years in a lab.

"Can you please cut to the chase, Ms. Dreyford? I have a busy schedule today!" he told her sternly.

She gave him a glare of loath, as if he was destroying some great performance by rushing her.

"Alright, Philip I'll make it short so that you'll be able to remember it! During my research I've discovered a way to make men pregnant! I've tried it out with male rats and monkeys and that worked out just fine- now it's time to test it out on a human subject!"

Philip stared at her for about five seconds in disbelief before he bursted into laughter. Bonebag Ms. Dreyford gave him a look of contempt.

"Stop laughing! I'm serious! I've found a way to make it work! This would mean plenty of publicity for Chicago Hope!"

"Oh, it'll mean publicity alright!!!" Philip chuckled as he brushed away some tears of joy with his finger. "And the day you'll be granted permission to do this in Chicago Hope is the day I'm Riverdancing down in the cafeteria! Now, good day, Ms Dreyford!" Philip pointed towards the door. Dreyford's face went from pale to steaming red in an instant.

"You can't blow me off just like that, Philip!!!" she snarled as she started picking up her papers in a menacing pace.

"I can and I just did!" Philip answered her grimly: "You could of course try your case with the hospital board, but I'll guarantee you they'll have the same answer! I could name ten state laws that forbid you to go forth with your plans, and I'm certain no other hospital with respect for humanity will grant you permission either. Don't slam the door on you way out!"

*-*

Alan popped his head into Philip's office just as his boss was leaving for the day. Philip couldn't help but smile as the tiny man entered the room. Alan was the lawyer of this hospital and he was as vital for the continued existence of the hospital as Philip, and probably more even. You only needed one look at him to realize that this man wouldn't intentionally hurt even the smallest fly. His big and kind blue eyes were a dead giveaway for his kindness. It was a miracle that Alan was as successful a lawyer as he was, given the fact that he looked as intimidating as a wet kitten. But he reeked of integrity, and honesty. When you looked into Alan's eyes you couldn't believe he was even able to conduct a lie, and *that* was what made Alan a brilliant lawyer. Not his skill to find the right paragraphs and dirty counter strikes, but his honest eyes. And what was worse, he was as honest and kind as he looked..

"So, what was it Ms. Dreyford wanted? Has she found a cure for cancer or warts?" he asked as he dropped his briefcase down to the floor.

"Yeah, well.. thanks for not being here, Alan!" Philip sighed as he rubbed his temples: "The Dragon or "Ms. Dreyford" had some revolutionary ideas to say the least, which she wanted to test out on human subjects."

"And that was…?" A childlike smile appeared on the lawyer's face, who himself also had been granted a nickname, "The Eel".

"Nothing much, making men pregnant I believe it was…" Philip told him as he fetched his coat.

"Are you SERIOUS?! Is that even possible??" Alan gaped and dropped his briefcase for the second time. He'd spent ten straight hours in the courtroom today and was exhausted.

"I mean, there must be at least twenty state laws forbidding it!"

"Well, she claims she can make it happen. She's even tried it out on male rats.. and monkeys I believe it was."

"Wow," Alan scratched his chin with an amazed look on his face.

"But you told her NO, right?" he added with huge eyes: "I won't be the one defending *that* in court!!!!"

Philip smiled as he ushered the tiny man out of his office and followed his trail.

"Don't you worry, there'll be no pregnant men in this hospital as long as I'm here to stop it!"

*-*

She was furious on Philip Watters and his lack of integrity and will to look beyond tomorrow. Her work was important and no one should stand in the way of evolvement! Of course the hospital board was agreeing with the old goat, no surprise given the fact that Watters also was a member of it. She would have to find a way round all the laws and boards if her precious work would bear fruits. And what Philip Watters didn't know wouldn't hurt him!

She was hurrying down the hallway with some lab reports when the hospital's lawyer bumped into her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Ms Dreyford! I didn't see you there!" he excused himself as he picked up nothing less than four briefcases he'd been carrying.

"Well, maybe it's time you start using your eyes then!!" she snarled down to the much shorter man. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead he swallowed his words, tilted his head to the side and continued down the hallway like a frightened rat.

<No wonder they call him the Eel!> she thought to herself as she continued in the opposite direction.

Back down in her lab her mind started wandering, though. Alan Birch, thirty-four years old, no wife, no girlfriend.. Apparently he had no friends or family.. Hadn't she overheard him nagging to a nurse once that he was very lonely? A devious smile grew on The Dragon's lips as she decided to check out some details on this man. Maybe, just maybe he was stupid enough to get caught in her trap?

She did some checking about, and discovered her guesses to be true. Alan Birch was indeed single and very lonely. He spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else, and even here he wasn't well liked. He was in fact perfect!!! He would thank her for what she had to offer him, a chance to defeat his loneliness!

*-*

Alan had stopped trying to get a life outside Chicago Hope a long time ago. All his skills and time was spent keeping the hospital afloat, and he no longer had the energy dream any more, except on late, sleepless nights. He wondered how it would feel like to be embraced, to be loved by someone, he wondered how it would feel like to be appreciated for the person he was, instead of being dependant of his skills as a lawyer to receive some appreciation. He worked hard, and sacrificed his soul to defend the doctors that had become his only family. But did the hotshot doctors show their gratitude? Not once. Why should they? This was his job. The Eel was paid so that the doctors of Chicago Hope could mess up in the OR and still go home happy and satisfied with a safe job by the end of the shift.

He was used to being the invisible one, the one no one noticed. The one you could blame if something went wrong, the one you could accuse of greed if it granted the hospital. Never the less, Alan Birch did his job, and he was even proud of it. As he never fulfilled his dream to become a doctor himself he did the next best thing, he became their protector. So what if he came home to an empty apartment at night, feeling even emptier inside? Maybe it was his destiny to be alone. He never showed his loneliness to anybody, or not intentionally at least. He tried his best to act as if he was as happy and socially engaged as the other employees of the hospital, but some things shines through, and Alan was a bad actor. Still he had a good friend in Philip, the hospital manager, and some of the doctor's showed him their friendly sides from time to time. He reckoned he had nothing to complain about, but still this... black hole in his heart slowly kept growing bigger. Alan didn't know it, but it had a name, Longing.

*-*

He was diving into a pile of papers when she strode into the room with utter most matter of cause, a smug smile pasted on her red lips.

"Ms. Dreyford," he greeted her in a friendly tone and gestured for her to sit down, as he tried to hide some of the worst mess occupying his desk.

"What can I do for you?" His smile revealed his nerves, he always felt uneasy with this woman. She was a tad too eccentric and seemed willing to take risks a bit too easily. And now she leaned forward, with a look of pure innocence in her face that scared the living daylights out of him.

"Nothing much, really. I just wanted to see how you were doing, and perhaps give you the chance of a lifetime..?" Alan leaned back in his chair and didn't know if he should feel touched about her concern or if he should feel suspicious.

"Well, thank you for the concern, I'm doing just fine Marion! And what's this offer of a life time you're considering offering me?" he asked, not able to hide his curiosity after all. She rose from her seat and wandered over to the window in Alan's office. While she looked out to the city underneath her she asked him one devastating question.

"Have you never wanted to start a family, Alan? I mean, you look like a sensible guy, I just think it's strange you don't have a Mrs. Birch to come home to late at night, a little Alan Jr. to tuck in and read bedtime stories for. Don't you want this?" Alan didn't know what to answer. He wished for that above anything, and this was the one thing he couldn't win with his sharp mind and gifts as a lawyer.

"Of course I wish for those things," he answered after a while: "but I don't work in a profession allowing me much time off to search for a wife, and I don't seem to be what women in general are looking for." Dreyford turned and walked towards him where he was sitting behind his desk, a devious glint in her eye.

"It's too bad you can't have what your heart desires Alan. You're a good guy, you deserve to become a father!"

Alan felt uneasy discussing this with a woman he hardly knew.

"Well, there's not much I can do about that I'm afraid." He rubbed his neck and smiled awkwardly: "Not as long as I'm single."

Marion leaned over the desk and stared him in the eye.

"It's not fair Alan! It's not fair that you should have to spend all those lonely nights, while all the doctors can go home after ended shift and bask in the love of their loved ones. There should be some pleasure for you too in this world, shouldn't it Alan?" Alan slowly backed away from the scientist who was lisping small drops of spit as she spoke upon his face.

"I'm not the only guy on this hospital without a family to go home to when the shift ends," Alan defended himself: "Jeffrey Geiger for example."

"Jeffrey Geiger is nuts, honey, we both know it!" Dreyford shot back: Come on, you can't try to convince me that you're contempt with your life?!" That one stung, and Alan was unable to hide it as so many times before when he had been hurt.

"I accept my life," he answered her, but was no longer able to meet her eye. A dangerous glint appeared in her eyes as she drew even closer to the withdrawing lawyer, and she pursed her lips and whispered him what could very well be the end to his miserable life one way or another.

"I might know a way for you to have that life, to be loved for the one you are, not for what you do, I can make it so you will never have to feel lonely ever again!" Alan's eyes darted upwards as hope was ignited against his will.

"How?" his lips betrayed him, already knowing what suggestion she had in mind. It was ludicrous, less than a week ago he'd laughed when Phillip told him about Dreyford's experiment. And now it was offered to him as a gift, and his heart was already starting to accept the ludicrous idea, not minding the screaming protests from his common senses. She was in need of a guinea pig, and he was the chosen one. He was the weak link, the one with something to gain if he went along with this, even if he should end up ruining his career in the process.

"I'm a `man', it's unnatural!" Alan mumbled, eyes crying for an escape. He had to get rid of this woman, before his defences got too weak. He would loose what little family he had left if he went through with this, he would loose Philip, and he would loose Chicago Hope.

"It's a beautiful thing, carrying a child to the world!" Ms. Dreyford told him: "You can feel it growing inside you, living inside you, and when it's born … the feeling is indescribable. I'm offering you the greatest feeling, Alan. You'll be able to experience something no man has done before you! And you'll have a daughter or son, your own flesh, your own family."

She patted his shivering arm, knowing he was biting the hook.

"Think about it, Alan," she whispered and left the office with easy steps. Like taking candy from a baby!

*-*

Alan went around in a fog the following day. His mind was racing, considering back and forth. His greatest wish in the whole damn world was to become a father. He was thirty four years old, not an old man. But he was starting to feel the stress none the less. He'd been on the search for a soulmate since he was eighteen, and hadn't found one yet. What were the odds he would find her during the next couple of years, given his work rate?? Unless one of the single nurses put aside their prejudges against him and was willing to give the workaholic a try, Alan was screwed. Maybe when he was sixty five he could start finding a wife. But that would mean no children…

*-*

It was around midnight. Marion Dreyford was busily working in her lab, preparing the next nine months down to the last detail. If this was to be a success the hospital board and that sneak Philip Banks had to be fooled as long as humanly possible. She stood with her back against the door when the knock came. A satisfied smile brushed over the thin woman's face as she continued her work, undisturbed.

"The door is open Alan," she simply said. After a few hesitating seconds the lawyer slipped inside the lab. She didn't have to turn around to know he was tugging his tie nervously while looking around in her workspace.

"Sit down, Alan. I have the feeling you are nocturnal like me. We have the whole night to make your wish come true."

"I'm… I'm not entirely sure I want to do this…" he mumbled as the feet of a chair scraped against the floor. Oh, he was sure alright!! He was a rare specimen this one, with a heart as big as a whale. If he'd decided to put down this offer he would have self combusted. A man such as him needed someone to love; it was the corner stone of his life, the one thing that made sense for him. Luckily for Dreyford, she was a good judge of caricature. That was what had made this so easy.

*-*

Five hours later Alan was sick as a dog thanks to a hormonal boost set by Marion Dreyford. He was lying flat out on his back in a bed in the corner of her office, regretting the whole mess. In less than an hour he would receive the shot that was going to change his entire life, and the fear of loosing what little joy he had in life suddenly came back with full force. What if something went wrong during the experiment, what if he was caught early in the pregnancy and was forced to go through with an abortion?? What new nicknames would be granted the Eel of Chicago Hope then? And he was supposed to take hormonal shots every single day during the pregnancy… The only comfort he found in that was that they would be smaller than this one. Still he had to brace himself for some rocky months as his body adjusted to the hormones.

The scientist offered him no comfort as he was vomiting, and he'd never expected her to either. This was nothing but science for her, and he new she didn't care one bit about his welfare. Still he bit his teeth together and allowed her to put him through this ordeal. He'd allowed her to extract his sperm, and to let it impregnate an anonymous egg donor. Now all they had to do was to wait until she had confirmed fertilization of the egg and the worst waves of nausea had passed in Alan's body.

The worst part was the waiting. During these endless hours during the night Alan had a good time to consider the lunacy of what he was doing. But he no longer had any choice. His heart had decided a long time ago, and his body and wits was forced to go along with the ride.

*-*

At eight the following morning Ms. Dreyford allowed him to leave, after a crash course in how to give yourself a shot of hormones every morning. She handed him a briefcase containing shots for the entire next nine months and patted him on the shoulder in a business like manner.

"It would be too risky for the both of us if you were dependant on me to give you the shot each morning. People might get suspicious. You'll see me for counselling and tests once a week, at midnight, as we agreed. During the next session we'll find out if you got lucky the first time or if we have to extend the hormonal treatment before implanting a new fertilized egg into you abdomen."

Alan simply nodded. He hadn't caught a wink of sleep the entire night and was due back at his office in thirty minutes. The new hormone shot was already starting to work, and the only thing occupying his mind right now was to avoid puking on his suit.

Alan sat down behind his desk, surprised by the treachery of his own tears. He had no idea of why he was crying, he had no idea of what he was feeling right now. His whole mind was a mess, and Alan longed to lie down and take the load off his feet for some hours. But before he reached the hard couch cramped into a corner of his office heart surgeon Jeffrey Geiger charged into his office. Jeffrey was a man with a troubled past. Some years ago his wife had drowned their son in the bathtub, and turned the harmonic man's life upside down. Now he was a loudmouthed workaholic, striding to be nothing but the best of the best. Often he spoke first, and thought about it afterwards. He and Alan had their issues, but coexisted in Chicago Hope, knowing they both were dependant on the other to have a job to return to in the mornings.

"I thought I saw you come in early for once…" Jeffrey started, but swallowed what he was about to say when he noticed Alan's wet cheeks.

"Someone died?" he asked blatantly, but honestly as Alan crept back behind his desk and dried the tears away like a madman. He shook his head and attempted a smile while Jeffrey sat down in a chair opposite his desk. There was comfort in his eyes, and it was like balsam for Alan's soul not to get bombarded with further questions. As so many times before he shook his feelings away and returned as the clear thinking lawyer. He silently thanked Jeffrey who went along with his charade.

"What can I do for you, Geiger?" he asked pleasantly as he folded his hands and looked calm and relaxed once more. The cold sweat on his forehead and the nausea cursing through him was evident signs of his discomfort, but Alan knew Geiger would let him be if that was what Alan wanted.

"It's The Dragon, I can't stand her!!! She always creeps around in the OR looking for something she can use for her experiments. You have to tell her that she has to stay away, or else she will end up with a scalpel jammed up her ass. The scarecrow shows me no respect what so ever, so I need you to set her straight!!" Jeffrey was honest, as always. Alan dreaded the very thought of having to retaliate Ms. Dreyford, but knew he had no other choice.

"I'll have a talk with her."

"Great!" Jeffrey smiled as he got to his feet: "I owe you one, Alan! Notify me the next time you need some heart surgery! Oh, I guess you would have to have a heart first!" he added with a grin as he swept through the door.

*-*

The following week was a hellish experiment for Alan. He was constantly nauseous, and had no control what so ever over his upset stomach. He was throwing up everything that he ate and had to cancel several meetings to the favour of the toilets on his floor. The third day he wandered the hallways like a zombie Philip decided enough was enough and sent him home with the order of getting well before he came back. Alan was grateful to dive into his bed and gather some strength, knowing only too well that he might feel this sick for the entire nine months if he was unlucky. His whole body ached as it tried to settle with the changes done to it, and still he was struggling with the mental after currents of his choice. It was so weird going around wondering if he was pregnant! He might have a tiny human being growing inside of him.

He slowly started to slide into some sort of routine with the nausea. If his stomach was empty when he took the hormonal shot in the morning he would be sick as dog for about an hour, and then it would draw back making him able to function as a normal human being again as long as he took his precautions. There was certain food his stomach didn't tolerate and he had to be thorough with eating the same amount of food at all meals. This way he managed to go back to work on the seventh day, the same day he had the appointment with The Dragon.

The day went by in a fog. His entire mind was wrapped about what he would learn from the meeting later that night.

*-*

She had an impatient look on her face as when he entered her office five past twelve.

"You're late!" Her voice was annoyed: "I don't tolerate any laziness from my test subjects Mr. Birch, when I tell you a time, you show up! Now, pee in this!" she added in a more moderate tone as she handed him a jar. Alan silently obeyed; too tense about what the test result would tell him in a matter of minutes to bother with the woman's snapping.

Minutes felt like hours as he sat, watching his own pee drying on a small stick. Ms. Dreyford scurried about like a squirrel seemingly just as eager to know the result as Alan. Finally she had a look at her wristwatch and decided it was time. Alan watched with all the blood in his body rushing to his head as she raised the stick and gave it a glare through the thick glasses of her eyeglasses.

"So… what did it say???" he said when he no longer could stand the waiting. She handed him the stick as a triumphant grin ran over her lips.

"You and I, my dear boy- are making world history!!!"

*-*

Another sleepless night.. There was no way back now, he was pregnant, pregnant for real! He lay in his bed the entire night, looking down on a flat stomach that now was hiding a tiny foetus. He was a man, and he was pregnant. He was a lawyer at a hospital and he was pregnant! It suddenly dawned to him what task he'd laid upon himself. He had to hide the pregnancy from the best doctors in the world, was he nuts even hoping he would pull it off?? As the months went by he would have to start changing habits, hopefully having people believe he was gaining weight because of what he ate. Alan had just started on a journey no one knew where would end, not even the scientist that had done this to him. His only hope for saving his connections with Chicago Hope was that Philip would forgive him in the end…

*-*

Everything affected him the first couple of months of his pregnancy. The hormones made him change mood in a matter of seconds, Alan often found himself crying in the bathroom, feeling drained and disgusted with himself.

His moody behaviour played him a couple of dirty tricks in court, but thankfully Alan was professional to the fingertips when it came to his appearance in the court room. To fight his demons he usually sat in one of the stalls of the men's bathroom; singing, or crying- given whatever mood he was in before he was going to trial. Alan's nights filled with sweet dreams of fatherhood, he could see himself tossing a laughing toddler to the sky and catching him or her with his face lit up in smile. These dreams passed into daydreams when the sun conquered the dark, and slowly Alan was starting to feel joy about the tiny spark of life he carried with him wherever he went. He could have a bad day in court, being bullied in meetings or simply stand half bored to death in the line of the supermarket when the thought would strike him:

<I'm going to be a father!> This thought exorcised any unhappy thoughts, working like magic on a rainy day. As the weeks started passing Alan got used to feeling nauseous most of the time, to be treated like a guinea pig by The Dragon and being ignored by most of the hospital staff. Well, he already was used to being ignored so that wasn't so hard. Alan was careful not to show his abdomen too much attention while at work, but when he locked himself into his own apartment at night he couldn't help himself. Although he couldn't feel anything yet, or was starting to show, there was nothing more soothing than to touch soft skin withholding his very own family. Sure, the heavy thoughts fought their way through now and again. Alan often pondered how he would react when his condition was to be known by everyone. And how the world would react. He reckoned The Dragon was eager to go public if her experiment was a success. He was wishing he could stay anonymous, but he didn't dare hope too hard. He hadn't really discussed the details with her about that yet, nor when it came to the delivery. All Alan knew was that when the baby was sufficiently grown, approximately nine months old, it would be delivered by a C-section. He was afraid to plan too far ahead, knowing only too well that his dream might end as another fallen hope. One of four women miscarries, and the odds of him miscarrying were even greater.

Three months pregnant Alan was in a euphoric state when it came to his pregnancy. He was reading books on the matter, shopping baby clothes through mail-order, he was preparing like any happily pregnant mother would. Doubt had turned into gratefulness. He was about to get his highest wish come through, and that really struck him the day he for the first time got to see his unborn child on a fluttering monitor. Ms. Dreyford was doing an ultrasound on him to rule out any illnesses or flaws the baby might have. To see his own flesh and blood for the first time was a very moving moment for Alan. And anyone seeing him in that moment wouldn't have any problems discovering the happiness shining through his features. So what if he might be stapled a freak, he was a father!

Unluckily for him his luck was about to make a turn for the worse…

Chapter 2

*-*

It was a glorious morning and Alan felt rested and in shape as he strolled through the emergency reception, looking for one of the doctors he needed to have a word with. Normally he stayed the hell away from this area of the hospital. It was too filled with drama and sad stories for him, and now lately he couldn't stand the smell there either, it was making him queasy. But today had started so well for the small lawyer that he felt well enough to even conquer the smell of fear as people were rushed in, looked at and then rolled away. And as he went there looking the doors flew up as another one floating between life and death was rolled in by an ambulance crew.

"We have a car crash here, female, 48 years old, bleeding heavily!!!" the man in charge screamed as the doctors on call rushed to the stretcher's side. Amongst them was Billy Kronk, the very doctor Alan was searching for. Kronk had a look on a smashed face, covered in blood and let out a gasp as he recognised the torn face.

"Holy crap, it's The Dragon!" he yelled, making more doctors and nurses rush to. Alan stopped dead, in the middle of a step. Was his hearing failing him?? What did Kronk say?? Slowly he approached the stretcher, struggling to see the person being tapped, examined and diagnosed. He tried to peer through, but all he saw was a bloodstained, limp hand.

"Excuse me; I need to speak with Kronk!" Slowly he worked his way through the crowd that was gasping with horror as they watched the lifeless person struggling to stay alive. Finally he reached Kronk's side, only to get shoved aside by the very same man.

"Don't get in my way, Eel!!! I'm trying to save a life here!!!" he barked as he pushed Alan away, staining his suit with the blood of the patient.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" Alan excused helplessly: "I just… I had to ask you if I heard you right…"

"Yes, it's the Dragon!! Now get the hell away from my sight Eel, so that I can get to work!!!" Billy roared in the same second as the woman on the stretcher flat lined. One of the nurses pushed Alan away from the scene, and before he knew it he fell down on the floor as his dream vanished before his eyes. If Dreyford died he would loose the baby. All he had hoped for would be flushed down the drain, his hopes crushed beyond imagination. More doctors rushed to the emergency reception as the rumour about The Dragon spread like wildfire through the corridors, and several of them stumbled over Alan on their way to see for themselves.

"Open her up! We need to work her heart!!!!" Billy Kronk howled: "Page Jeffrey!!!"

Alan slowly got to his feet and crept away, the sound of Billy's orders echoing in his ears.

"We're loosing her!" was the last he heard before the door shut behind him. Aaron Shut, the top brain surgeon of Chicago Hope collided with the lawyer as he too rushed towards the emergency room.

"Hey, watch it, Alan!" he yelled, already down the hall, not noticing the distraught face of his colleague.

He sat down behind his desk, face dissolving in tears, as both hands clasped the treasure he was about to loose. Dreyford couldn't die, she had to survive!! Jeffrey was the best of the best; he would fix her up so that she could continue her secret experiment. After a while he felt ashamed of his wallowing in self-pity, after all there were another life at stake here too. So he rose wearily to his feet to find Philip. He would know the status on Ms. Dreyford.

The gloom on Philip's face as he entered told it all.

"She died, didn't she," he muttered as he dumped down in a chair. Philip nodded.

"Fifteen minutes ago. She died on the table, Jeffrey wasn't able to save her…" Alan closed his eyes as the pain in his chest reappeared. So it was over then, he wouldn't have his family after all.

"I'll notify her family," he mumbled and struggled to keep calm on the exterior.

"She didn't have one," Philip said: "She's left no loved ones as far as I know. That woman was too preoccupied with her lab rats to settle down." Alan's eyes darted upwards in disbelief.

"That's not correct!" he said: "She once told me how great it was to be a mother! I'm sure she has a family!"

A confused gaze searched the lawyer.

"She has NO family, Alan. I don't know why she said it was great to be a mother, I'm one hundred percent sure she wasn't!"

<Of course!> How could he have been so stupid. The great tale of the greatness of motherhood was just another little trick to have Alan biting the bait. Alan could have slapped himself for his naivety. He could feel his stomach squirm with unease and knew he'd better head for the men's room pretty quick. But he couldn't leave yet.

"What… happened to her?" he asked wearily, rubbing his forehead with a cold palm.

"Apparently she fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed into a concrete wall," Philip told him. She's probably stayed up half the night working again.

<Documentation!! She probably has her lab full of reports and tests that originated from me!> Alan rushed to his feet and excused himself in a hurry. He had to go through her files and destroy incriminating material before anyone else got to it!!! He forgot all about his nausea as he hurried down the corridors on his way to Dreyford's lab. His heart raced as he snook inside her office. Working in a daze, he blocked out the urge to lay down and cry for what he'd lost this day. He had to cover his tracks, then he could go home and wither away.

Alan had no idea of how long he'd been emptying Marion Dreyford's office of evidence, but finally he was all done. He stuffed the papers and various floppy disks in an empty paper bag and went as fast as he could down the hallways, rushing for the exit.

<Keep it together now, Alan! Don't fall apart! Wait until you get home!> The ride back to his apartment was a never-ending nightmare. Alan clenched the paper bag between his arms as if he was afraid someone might try and snatch it if he relaxed for just a second. Finally home. Alan tossed the paper bag down on the floor, letting hundreds of sheets of paper fly off in different directions littering the floor. His salvation was the couch. There he spent the following night in solitude, grieving the life he never had. His skin never felt softer than this single night when the heavens fell and hell embraced him, and this cursed night was also the same as he for the first time was hexed with the first flutter of life beneath his skin. His sobs grew silent as tiny butterfly wings brushed towards his abdomen making his heart wrench in agony. At least now he was sure. He had wanted the baby all along…

Early in the morning he woke up, after receiving a couple hours of sleep. Old habit raised his mind to wakefulness, and he was on his way out to the bathroom where he had the hormone shots, before the day of yesterday pried its way back into his mind. Alan stopped in front of the briefcase standing beside the sink, as hopelessness once more dawned on his mind. Dreyford had died, leaving him all alone in his unheard of state. Stubbornness awoke in blue eyes as he slowly raised the lid. So she died. But he had hormone extract for the coming six months. Why should he stop just because she had? He could do this alone, he didn't need her! And as the first beams of sunlight glared in through his window a plan formed in Alan's head. He would simply continue as planned, take his shots every day, and when the time was in he would simply notify Philip. All he had to do was to find a way to hide his pregnancy the following six months, a task that would grow harder every week. He would start to show in a couple of months and Alan had to find a way to hide a pregnant belly from the eyes of curious doctors.

*-*

Ms. Dreyford was forgotten after a couple of months. No one really cared for the woman and her creepy work anyway, and her death saved the board of the discomfort of firing her. Alan had picked up his dream and held on to it with all his might, doing his best to lead his family and especially Philip behind the light. He was as dedicated to his work and Chicago Hope as always, and took the fall when it was needed. Still the nausea rode him like a mare, but he kept his chin up and denied to give in. If he was to make it he had to keep going, be his old self. No one could know. He was terrified of the thought of Philip finding out, having the hospital board force Alan to abort the baby. Therefore he worked out a plan to hide his growing abdomen. It was quite easy really; he'd gotten the idea one night he sat up late, watching an old movie about the Victorian age. All the women wore these huge dresses with tight, suppressing tops. They looked amazingly skinny, and the reason for that was their underwear. They wore tight corsets, which made them thinner around the waist. After some research on the internet Alan soon found the male version of what the ladies from the Victorian age used, and he knew how he would keep his secret long enough. Now, even with a corset he would start to show, there was limits of how much stomach one could squeeze away in such a thing. But at least it would look like he was getting fat slower, and that might buy him a month or two if he was lucky.

Four months along he wore the corset at work for the first time. He was afraid it would show through his undershirt and the shirt he wore for work, but Alan went through the day without any questions asked. He was a bit worried about the welfare of the baby wearing this for so many hours a day, but decided the risk of exposure was too great if he took it off. Therefore he kept it on, no matter how uncomfortable it would grow as the weeks went by.

*-*

One day as Alan sat in his office, working, as usual he got a message on his beeper from Philip. It was a "Nine One One", and knowing Philip, Alan was sure something dreadful had happened… Alan rushed to the hospital manager's office where he found a distraught Jeffrey, still in bloodstained hospital robes sitting in a chair opposite Philip.

"What's happened?" he asked carefully as he felt a twinge of panic. Jeffrey seemed really upset, that was a bad, a really bad omen. Besides he'd passed whispering and mumbling people on his short way to Philip's office. Something terrible had definitely happened! Jeffrey rose to his feet as he noticed Alan's entrance, bloodshot eyes glaring at him as he stepped towards him, not affected by a warning outburst from Philip.

"Isn't it *your* job to keep everything running smoothly in this hospital?!" he snarled as he pinned Alan towards the door: "Aren't you responsible for keeping all the equipment of this hospital in top class, making sure it never will fail?!"

"JEFFREY!" Philip barked and separated the surgeon from the lawyer: "This is not Alan's fault god dammit! The elevators are thoroughly tested every year, and it passed with flying colours three months ago!"

"Could someone PLEASE tell me what's going on?! What's happened!" Alan commanded in confusion. Once more Jeffrey tried to approach the smaller man, but was stopped by the iron arms of Philip Watters.

"I lost a man in one of the elevators today, Birch- *that's* what's happened! The damn thing shut down between two stairs on the way down to the surgery for an emergency operation. The man died because one of your "flawless" elevators got stuck, leaving a man to bleed to death because I couldn't get him to the OR fast enough!" Jeffrey hit the nearest wall he could reach with an angry fist.

"That man would have lived! He died because of a fucking failure on an elevator!!"

Pain appeared in Alan's eyes as he accepted the blame without questions as so many times before.

"I.. I'll get in touch with… the repairman.." he mumbled silently and left the office knowing he would have one hell of a lawsuit slapped against the hospital before noon.

*-*

The repairman found nothing wrong with the elevator and was certain it had been a onetime laps that wouldn't happen again. It wasn't exactly easy for Alan to bring the diagnosis along to Jeffrey. He wouldn't be satisfied until the damn thing had been ripped out and replaced. And if the elevator ever malfunctioned again he would hold Alan personally responsible. As expected a lawsuit against the hospital was jammed into Alan's hand less than two hours after the incident, and the next day Jeffrey also had been sued. He'd decided to open the patient while stuck in the elevator, and the patient's wife was certain her husband would have been saved if he had waited until the elevator was up and running again. In other words, Alan would have some busy months in court awaiting him with lots of media pressure.

Alan was known for singing in the men's room when stressed, and the following weeks he was to be heard singing everything from nursery rimes to old Beatles tunes. The corset was starting to tighten around his waist, as his stomach had started growing. And as his condition increased he found it harder and harder to wear the damn thing. He felt crushed, he was short of breath and got light-headed due to the pressure the corset added to his lungs. But he was only five months and one week along yet, he had to subdue the discomfort and look ahead.

The days flashed by as Alan prepared for both cases. First up was the lawsuit against the hospital that would be starting in two days. Alan reckoned it would be an easy ride given the fact that the elevator in question had been cleared by elevator experts four months ago, and when considering the fact that it seemed to be a one time incident- the prosecutor's case was puny to say the least. But you never knew with that old ogre of a judge that usually handled every case Alan attended as a lawyer. Old Aldrich was a dinosaur that had fought distinction and won, and still was clawing on to his seat years after his peak.

And as if the coming cases weren't enough he had to deal with a stressed out Philip, who was nagging about how important these cases were. Both Chicago Hope and Jeffrey Geiger could loose their licence if Alan failed in the court room. Another brick to the load..

He was brilliant in the courtroom, defending the hospital he worked for. The old fart of a judge yawned no matter what Alan said and no matter who he called to the witness stand. For three long, exhausting days he breathed law and more or less lived in the courtroom. By the end of it all Alan stepped out as a champion once more, and the hospital continued as normal. Philip patted his back for a job well done, and that was that. After getting medium barbecued by journalists Alan could start preparing the case against Geiger. This would be a though one… Geiger would be examined by three shrinks, and there would be written a thorough psychiatric report on him. And of course it would be Aldrich who was going to judge this case as well. And when Alan walked into a courtroom the next time he would be six and a half months pregnant..

*-*

Alan wasn't a large bodied man, and he was already getting quite big around the waist. It got more and more difficult to put on the corset by each day that passed, and it was so uncomfortable to wear that Alan found it difficult to concentrate when wearing it. During a long day at work his feet would get swollen, his back would ache and his nausea wouldn't budge. Only when he could slip down into warm soothing water in his bathtub by the end of the day Alan could relax. Lavender-scented velvet soothed his upset stomach and invited the baby to start moving again after a long day being crammed into Alan's intestines. He spent hours laying there, taking it all in, feeling his unborn child grow within him no matter how unnatural it was. Small hands ran over swelled flesh, as Alan was rejoicing the miracle growing inside him. One night as he lay there, feeling utterly relaxed, he started talking- for no apparent reason.

"I wonder if you're a boy or a girl," Alan told the belly with the same tender voice he talked in most of the time, kind eyes resting on the curve sticking up from the water.

"And I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms.." He chuckled as he was answered with a sudden shove to the lower left of his belly. He patted the smooth skin as his mind started to wander.

"But I have a confession to make," he added as his features gained a shade: "I don't know much about babies. I don't know anything about them to be honest, except from what I've been trying to read the last months. All I *do* know is that I want to be the best father I can possibly be for you, and all I can hope is that that is enough.." He looked down, trying to see beyond his own flesh, on some unconscious level trying to connect with the life he was carrying. There were so many worries, so many fears, and Alan was carrying more than he could handle already. His old defence mechanism shot in to protect him from the heavy load, and a smile slowly reappeared on Alan's face as he continued the monolog with his unborn child.

"Actually there are a lot of things I'm afraid of! I'm afraid of getting stung by bees, becoming bold before I reach forty, I'm afraid of thunderstorms and Jeffrey Geiger. And that's only a few things that I'm scared of! I bet you'll be much braver than your father ever was!" His voice was singing now, as he for the first time felt it easy to communicate with someone not answering him back.

"When I grew up I wanted to become a fireman, then a space pilot, and then a doctor.. Guess where I ended up, as an intern on some lawyer's office, and before I knew it I was a lawyer myself! It's strange where life takes you, and how fast it can change with a simple turn of the wind…"

*-*

Jeffrey Geiger was in a bad mood. He'd just had his head examined by three shrinks, and now Alan Birch was about to play cross-examinator against him, preparing him for what he had to expect in the court room. Sure, The Eel was splendid at what he did, but that didn't necessarily mean that he was a person Jeffrey wanted to spend much time with. The weird little man reminded him too much of himself on some level, and Jeffrey had no desire to rip up his past. The wound surrounding his son's death would never close.

But even with the resemblances between them you couldn't find two men more different. Jeffrey Geiger was pure energy jammed into a jar that was too small. He was loudmouthed, always the centre of attention in every room he entered, cocky and not afraid to go against the world as long as he was convinced otherwise. Then there was Alan Birch, the quiet man you hardly noticed, even when he spoke up. He was like a grey mouse, always around but seldom noticed. He also was a man of moral and ethics, but he didn't roar his case as Jeffrey would it. Alan would simply keep his meanings to himself, or express them in gently manner, often for deaf ears.

There were more differences between the two men than there were similarities, but there was one similarity that proved that the core of Geiger and Birch were the same. They both had their arena, a room or stage that when entered they would shine. Jeffrey had the OR, Alan the court room. These were their rooms, and everybody knew it. Although Alan wasn't granted much respect in the open, he still was granted it- every time he won another case, sending prosecutor home with empty pockets.

Alan hurried into the room and emptied a briefcase on top of Jeffrey's desk.

"Alright, I have a meeting with the elevator inspector in two hours, let's get this over with!" Alan said as he scrambled through some papers. He found what he was looking for, some handwritten notes, and looked up, waiting for Jeffrey's affirmation. Jeffrey sighed and raised his shoulders.

"I don't see why we need to do this at all!" he sulked: "I'm not brain-dead, I know how to speak for my self!"

"I don't doubt that," Alan answered in the same tone you would use to a child: "but the prosecutor will be going at your throat, trying to fire you up, and my job is to prevent that from happening." He ran his right hand through his light brown curls as he went through his notes. Jeffrey silently wondered how Alan was able to keep so many balls flying in the air at the same time without dropping them. If he lost just one in the court room on Friday Jeffrey could be without a licence a week from now.

*-*

The big day had arrived. Alan was stressed beyond the borders of healthiness, but he knew he had to keep the pace until the case against Jeffrey had been dismissed. He had a poor night's sleep on his back and a cranky inhabitant kicking against the corset Alan wore to hide his growing stomach. He couldn't believe he was twenty-five weeks along, and how smoothly it had gone. Every day Alan feared his luck would change, and today he was almost out of breath as well as he huffed down the corridors on his way to the courtroom. Philip had dropped a line about him getting sturdier the other day, and Alan had blushed so violently he was surprised Philip didn't smell the rat.

"So, you decided to come after all?!" Jeffrey wheezed as Alan sat down beside him, as the last one to enter the room before a policeman sealed the room for the trial to begin.

"I'm so sorry!" Alan panted: "I suddenly had to go to the bathroom." Jeffrey gave him an angry glare but kept silent as the judge entered the court room, looking as sour and old as the hills. Yes, old Aldrich would give him hell today, Alan was sure of it!

He was right as always when it came to old judge Aldrich. He farted when Alan held his opening statement, where he asked to get the case dismissed right away.

"This is a waste of your precious time, honoured judge, and it's a waste of Doctor Geiger's time! He's accused of being responsible for causing a patients death. How many lives will be lost as we argue in this courtroom?" Alan argued. The wrinkle-covered man glared down at him from his high seat.

"You're right counsel, this *is* a waste of my time, and probably that rich doctor over there as well. And I even know why you throw such big and hopelessly pathetic words to the air as well. You know I won't bite, you know that I'm not a man with such high moral standards as you, and therefore you know you'll look like some shining lawyer hero. But we don't know the truth, do we little toad, you only open with such a lame speech because you want to stay in this courtroom and make money. You don't care about that man by your side, you don't care about wasting time. All you care about is filling your greedy little hands with more money to spend on hookers and booze!"

Alan silently sat down, receiving another defiant glare from Jeffrey. If the prosecutor failed to rise Jeffrey's temper it wouldn't matter anyway. Judge Aldrich had already done the job for him. Alan leaned back in his chair as he tried to gain his breath without panting too loudly, knowing this was going to be a very long day…

*-*

The day went on. Alan had called both Philip Watters and Aaron Shutt, Geiger's best friend, to the witness stand, carefully building his case. His goal was to show the judge that Jeffrey Geiger was one of the hospital's greatest doctors and that he did the only justifiable thing opening up his patient in the elevator. The prosecutor showed to the psychiatric evaluation of Geiger and tried to form an image of an unstable and dangerous man that shouldn't be allowed to continue as a doctor any longer. And Jeffrey supported the prosecutor's statements by throwing a temper tantrum when he entered the witness stand as the last witness. Alan knew that it all depended on his closing statement, and the pressure started building as he closed his eyes and silently wished for himself to vanish into thin air.

"I'm sure you'll bag this one for me Alan!" Jeffrey cheered with a nervous smile plastered on his face as Alan rose to his feet to enter the floor. The gaze Alan returned was everything but calming, no matter how much Alan had intended it to be. He felt he was standing on sinking ground with this case, and he couldn't even rely on the support of Philip and Aaron who'd left the court earlier that day. <Relax, the judge has no choice but to accept the facts. It doesn't matter how much he dislikes me. And if we should loose today I'll start working on the appeal the minute I leave this courtroom!>

Chapter 3

Alan stood in the courtroom, yapping away with another heartfelt defence-speech. So, Jeffrey had been slapped with a lawsuit for the tenth time or so, and it was up to the Hospital's lawyer to set things straight once more. Alan had stopped counting a long time ago. All his skills and time was spent keeping Chicago Hope floating, and did the hotshot doctors show their gratitude? Not once. Why should they? This was his job. The Eel was paid so that the doctors of Chicago Hope could mess up in the OR and still go home happy and satisfied with a safe job by the end of the shift.

He was used to being the invisible, the one no one noticed. The one you could blame if something went wrong, the one you could accuse of greed if it granted the hospital. Never the less, Alan Birch did his job, and he was even proud of it. As he never fulfilled his dream to become a doctor himself he did the next best thing, he became their protector.

And now it was Jeffrey who was in need of his aid.

"Dr. Geiger only did what he decided was best for his client! If he did what councillor indicated he should have done the patient would have died sooner. Yes, Mr. Harrison would probably have been saved if the elevator hadn't stopped. It's terrible, but true. But Jeffrey Geiger can't be held responsible for the elevator breaking down! Geiger is one of the world's greatest heart surgeons, and he would NEVER make a rash decision. Mr Harrison couldn't have been luckier when it came to choice of doctor, but sadly that wasn't enough.."

The judge looked like he was about to die of boredom.. And by any luck, he would die of old age by the time Alan finished his closing statement. But as he stood there, speaking, he suddenly got light- headed. It got difficult to breathe, and the room started spinning.

"Therefore I must advise the court…" A cold sweat broke out on his back and Alan stumbled forward.

"Alan, are you okay?" He barely heard the voice of Jeffrey and couldn't tell what he was saying. He shot his hands towards his throat, tugging the tie, feeling like he was suffocating. And so, as white, sparkly dots started dancing before his eyes he rushed to the floor.

*-*

Jeffrey Geiger was up on his feet the instant Alan Birch toppled forward, grasping for his tie, but he didn't manage to reach him before fell to the floor.

"Now what!" the old goon of a judge barked as he leaned over his desk to see what was going on. Jeffrey checked Alan's throat for a pulse and gave a sigh of relief.

"He just fainted! The little weasel only fainted!" he said, with a smile on his lips. The judge rolled his eyes and mumbled something about dramaqueens.

"Wake up Alan!" Jeffrey pinched the lawyer's cheek and got an immediate response.

"Thaaat's a good boy!" Alan opened his eyes and stared at Jeffrey with a confused look on his face.

"What just happened?" he mumbled as he blinked frantically and looked around.

"I bet you didn't have breakfast this morning, did you!" Jeffrey said as he stood up. Alan shrieked as he remembered where he was and clumsily got to his feet.

"May I proceed with my closing statement, Sir?" he asked Judge Aldrich who actually seemed disappointed he was able to stand up.

"Hey, relax there, Alan! Are you sure you're able to continue?" Jeffrey asked him and patted his back with friendly concern. His face frowned with surprise as his fingers felt something behind Alan's blue shirt.

"What's this….?" He asked and stroke a hard fabric concealed by Alan's shirt.

"Nothing!" Alan urged and drew away from the curious grasp. But Jeffrey had already realised what it was and a terrible smirk grew on the doctor's lips.

"Is that a corset you're wearing, counsellor??" he asked, with much amusement.

*-*

NO! Not now! Alan's eyes begged Jeffrey to shut up, to leave him be before it was too late. But the old bat up behind the judge's desk smelled blood. Alan wheezed for Jeffrey to find his seat, trying hard to block out the sniggering doctor as he passed him on his way to the centre of the floor again. He came as far as to open his lips before the judge who'd made it his soul purpose in life to make Alan's time in the courtroom a living hell cut him off.

"Ah, ah, ah… Don't you start yappin again, toad!" he barked as he leaned down with a frown.

"I want to see this corset of yours! Is it lace?" he added, making the entire courtroom laugh discreetly.

"I'm not here to have a fashion show! And besides, what I wear is no ones business but my own!" Alan stated, as a stubborn frown appeared on his forehead. Aldrich rose from his seat, anger building in his face of righteousness.

"When what you wear compromises your client's case it IS the court's business councillor!" he snapped.

"What do you mean, compromises my client's case?!" Alan shot back, pure spite painting his words.

"What do I mean?! You're wearing undergarments that are obviously so tight that you find it hard to breathe when wearing them!" The judge bellowed: "Now take off your shirt and show it to me or I'll have you thrown in jail for contempt!" He sat down again, trembling with anger. A silent plea from Alan didn't work. He stared down on his chest, as he silently started to unbutton his shirt, ears burning with shame. Of all the times he'd been humiliated in this courtroom this was the worst one yet! An amused giggle spread through the room as he worked on the buttons, in the corner of his eye Alan could see the prosecuting attorney try to hide a grin.

"There!" he said as he finished the last button and showed the judge what he was wearing underneath his shirt: "Satisfied?!" The old man chuckled with self-smugness but of course he wasn't finished yet.

"Very good, counsellor! Now turn and face the courtroom, while flashing that cute little outfit of yours, while saying "I. Am. A. Toad"!" Alan sighed silently before he took a deep inhale of breath and did as the judge had ordered…

*-*

Alan ran rather than walked back to his office after paying the cab, as he finally was excused from court and the case was dismissed. With lungs burning for oxygen he shut the door as the tears of humiliation finally was allowed to come. Alan was tired. He was tired of hiding, but he knew no other way. In a hospital people would start asking questions if they saw what state he was in.

He was just about to sit down behind his desk with a silent gasp of discomfort when Jeffrey Geiger steamed into his office.

"Take off the corset!" he demanded and dragged Alan out on the floor.

"Hey! Let go of me, Jeffrey!" Alan squealed, as he struggled to escape the arms holding him back. But Jeffrey did no such thing.

"No!" he answered firmly: "I'm not letting go before you promise me I'll have a look at you! Something is wrong, I've been smelling it for weeks!" Alan jerked free from the doctor's grip.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" he snorted and brushed the arm of his shirt. He was starting to get dizzy again due to all the hoopla.

"Would you be so kind as to leave?!" He pointed towards the door with a trembling index finger, but Jeffrey had no plans about leaving yet. As Alan turned his back to him and was starting to walk away Jeffrey stepped forward and ripped the shirt off Alan's back in one fierce move. Buttons flew across the room as the fabric was torn away, and Alan turned around with a terrified look on his face.

"What are you doing?" His voice was barely a mumble, and the surface of his eyes grew glassy.

"Take off that corset Alan, or I will have to do it for you!!" Jeffrey's command was ordered in a friendly but strict tone. Alan slowly stepped backwards, away from the doctor he'd just saved from suspension, wondering if there was any chance in hell he would reach the door before Jeffrey did. Jeffrey smelled his plan and shook his head.

"You could try, but I *would* slam it in your face before you even got that far, Alan."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Alan whispered as he slowly undressed his torso before the heart surgeon would do it for him.

"Because I'm worried, Alan," Jeffrey answered, as the same honesty that inhabited Alan's eyes rose to the surface. Alan closed his eyes as the corset fell to the floor. Indeed, he had to look pretty silly, standing there with nothing else than a tie covering his upper body! But there was no amusement in that image for neither Jeffrey or Alan..

"Oh my God!" Jeffrey gasped as he stared on the distended gut of the lawyer of Chicago Hope: "No wonder you were wearing a corset!" Alan tried to cover himself with his hands, but in vane.

"There!" he mumbled as his gaze went shamefully down to the floor: "Are you happy now, Jeffrey? Did you get your fun, can you please leave me alone now?!" A warm hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Alan, you need to have that checked out! You may be very sick! I'm concerned about you, this had nothing to do with our… previous bickering! Is it alright if I do a little check-up on your belly right now, is it tender? I believe you have a growing cyst located somewhere down in your abdomen. The swelling of your lower stomach indicates that," Jeffrey told Alan with a kind, caring tone.

He was caught, like a rabbit in a snare. Alan had no way of escape. He made it as far as six months and one week. Would it be enough? He had no clue what so ever…

Alan slowly lifted his gaze, heart trembling as he surrendered and gave his consent. He closed his eyes as Jeffrey placed both his palms towards his naked stomach and squeezed it gently. A long and awkward silence followed as Jeffrey's hands worked their way up and down Alan's stomach. Finally he removed them, and Alan opened his eyes to find disbelief and shock in the other man's brown eyes. Jeffrey Geiger took a deep breath before he blurted out with what had to be named as a sensational discovery to say the least.

"It's been a while since I last did check ups like these, as hearts are my field of expertise. But if I still have some knowledge left and if I haven't lost my marbles yet, Alan, I think I may have to diagnose you as pregnant!"

He looked up and discovered that Alan's cheeks were wet.

"You've known all along, haven't you?!" he gaped as he took one step back, and realisation dawned on the black curled man's face.

"You *let* Dreyford knock you up before she was killed in the car accident, didn't you?!!" Alan nodded, as he looked shamefully down to the floor.

"She gave me an offer I couldn't refuse.." he mumbled as his naked mind was bared. The lonely man, the man so secretly aching for a family, for someone to love him.. The last words Jeffrey said before he stormed out of the office to fetch the hospital manager scared the living daylight out of Alan.

"Holy crap, you're going to give Philip a heart attack!!"

*-*

He sat behind his desk when they stormed in; dressed in a fresh shirt from the closet he had by the door. Alan didn't bother to run, he knew it was over. Philip was yelling even before he entered the room with Jeffrey at his heels.

"Alan, you son of a bitch!!! What the hell kind of a mess have you made of your self *this* time?!?" he screamed as he slammed his palms to Alan's desk with a bang. Alan kept staring down on some sheets of paper lying before him; his tongue seemed disabled at the moment.

"Calm down, Philip!" Jeffrey urged and dragged his boss a bit further away from the smaller man seated behind the desk: "Give the man a chance to explain himself! What drove you to it Alan, lunacy or madness?" he added with a sarcastic undertone. Alan finally raised his gaze, revealing his bleeding heart.

"I always wanted a family," he mumbled as Philip jerked free from Jeffrey's grip.

"Get up Alan! I won't believe this before I see it myself!!" he barked. Alan silently did as he was told and raised his shirt obediently.

"Holy mother of Mary! How far along are you!?" Philip gasped as he discovered the bulk on Alan's abdomen.

"I would say six months, give or take a week," Jeffrey interfered, giving Alan's stomach a searching look.

"Six months, one week.." Alan confirmed, making Philip actually tug his beard.

"Oh my God, boy!! What were you thinking hiding something like this from me?!" he moaned and pointed towards Alan's belly as if it was infested with cholera.

"You would have made me abort it, Philip." Alan buttoned is shirt and sat down behind his desk again.

"You're damn right I would have!" Philip roared: "And you're still going to! I don't care how many months you are along, Alan, men don't give birth to children, it's abomination!!" For the first time in his life Alan's eyes filled with spite towards the only one he trusted in the whole world.

"It's unnatural for me to carry a child, but it's ethically defendable to kill a child that could have been saved on this very hospital if born today??! You don't believe in killing the innocent, Philip, why start now?!!?"

"You made the choice, Alan. You made the choice, not considering what life you had to offer this baby. What life can you give it? A child, born by a man- what life do you honestly think it will get?!!?! It will be considered a freak! YOU will be considered a freak by the world! You're coming with me right now, before this slips out! That freak child of yours will be terminated!" Alan didn't have to look at Philip's bulging eyes to know he was furious and that he meant every word that he yelled.

"I knew you wouldn't approve, Philip, but I didn't know you would steep to this…" The words were barely audible. Alan was hurt by his best friend's words, deeply hurt. But Philip was in no mood to forgive and forget.

"How could *I* steep to this??! Dear God, I knew you were lonely, Alan, but that doesn't justify you breaking all the rules just so that *you* can get a family!!! Are you even aware of the possible consequences you might suffer from if carrying this baby to term?!?!?"

"There's a few risks, Dreyford told me. But as long as I keep healthy I will do fine. Now that I've stepped over the twelfth week border there's only a slim possibility I might abort." Alan answered, fidgeting with his tie as he spoke. Philip was like the father he never had, and getting yelled at like this by him made Alan feel smaller than a louse. Philip rolled his eyes as he listened to Alan's words.

"What about the great risk of you DYING Alan, did she mention that AT ALL?!??! Did she mention that the risk of you bleeding to death rises for each day the foetus grows inside you? Did she mention the very fact that you don't have a womb to protect both you *and* the baby??!" The sheepish look on Alan told it all. She never mentioned any risks as mayor as this. The only thing she was concerned about was if Alan should abort before he went into the second trimester… Alan realized his naivety, but still he kept his back straight. He'd gotten this far, now he had to stay the line out!

"I'm having this baby, Philip!" he said determined. The rage burning in Philip's eyes exploded.

"Oh, no you're not! I'll get permission from court if necessary to get that pregnancy terminated! And you wouldn't like that, would you now, Alan. Think of all the bad publicity both the hospital and you will get!" the doctor triumphed; sure he had the winning hand.

"Drag me to court if you want to, I'm having this baby and you can't stop me!" Alan answered him with sadness in his voice. So the process had started. He was about to loose Philip and everything he held dear here on Chicago Hope.

Philip stormed out of the office, leaving a silent Alan and a dumbstruck Jeffrey behind. The doctor eyed the Eel as the lawyer started to shiver.

"You're nuts, Alan, but I have to admit; you sure are brave!" Jeffrey confessed as Alan buried his face in the palms of his hands. Alan shook his head wearily.

"I don't know *what* I am anymore," he whispered, wishing Jeffrey would leave him alone.

"Come," Jeffrey said and started towards the door. Alan looked up, with resign written over his face.

"What," he sighed. Jeffrey raised his shoulders as he opened the door.

"I might not agree with the terms of which this baby has been conceived, but as a doctor I'm obliged to take care of my patients. I may be better with hearts, but I still believe I know how to use an Ultrasound Machine."

Alan rose to his feet with some hesitance and followed in the taller man's steps. Three more months, that was all. Just three more months…

*-*

A mixture of all different kinds of feelings rushed through the top heart surgeon of Chicago Hope as he once more bared the stomach of lawyer Alan Birch to give it a proper examination. Alan lay down on the bench without flinching as Jeffrey prepared the Ultrasound device. Another brick to put on the Jeffrey wall of insanity! Maybe that was what was happening? Maybe Jeffrey was about to have his nervous breakdown after all? That sure was easier to swallow than the idea of Alan Birch being pregnant!

"Al right Alan. Before I have a look on this little impostor of yours I would like to have a listen to its heartbeat," Jeffrey told his patient and put his stethoscope to Alan's skin. And there it was, the rapid heartbeat of an infant. Unbelievable but true.

"Well, the little rascal sounds healthy…" Jeffrey said as he put the stethoscope away and smeared a thick, clear fluid over Alan's abdomen for the device that was used to show pictures of the foetus to run smoothly over Alan's stomach. He could feel his own pulse start to race as he put the device towards Alan's stretched skin and a flickering image appeared on the monitor up on the wall.

"Wow," was all he managed to say as the picture of a well grown foetus etched into his brain for the rest of his life. A small string of pearls indicated a spine, a flickering dot showed a beating heart. There was a head, two arms and two legs… Jeffrey had to look twice to be sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. And no matter how unnatural it might be, Jeffrey couldn't help but to get struck by the miracle of it all.

"You're going to be a pappy, Alan!" he chuckled, a smile of awe appearing on his face.

"I can't believe it, you're going to be a father! No wonder you've been so cranky lately!" Alan watched the monitor above his head, but he looked depressed rather than happy.

"Not if Philip has his way.." he mumbled, brushing his stomach absentmindedly: "I don't even know if I'm having a girl or a boy, maybe I'll never know…"

Jeffrey couldn't help it, he felt sad for Alan. The lawyer would wither away and die if Philip got the court's approval to end the pregnancy, one look at him lying there right now would tell you that.

"You want to know what it is?" Jeffrey asked, not knowing how to mend the open wound. Heck he wasn't even sure what he thought about this whole thing himself, yet.

"You can tell??" Finally some of the sadness vanished from the lawyer's face, as his curiosity took its place.

"Sure I can!" Jeffrey assured: "I just look between the baby's legs there."

"All right, tell me!" Alan said after a few seconds of thinking about it. Jeffrey smiled and patted the top of Alan's stomach.

"You're having a girl, Alan." Hands flew up to Alan's face as he received the words.

"Really?" he whispered: "I'm having a girl?" New tears found their way down Alan's cheeks. This time, on the other hand, they were tears of joy.

*-*

Once a secret is revealed, it will spread. And as soon as Philip Watters had informed the hospital board about the abomination taking place between the hospital's own walls the hallways were swarming with rumours by dinnertime!

"Did you hear? Alan Birch is carrying his dead girlfriend's love child! Apparently she was pregnant when she died in that car crash, and the Eel was so distraught by loosing her that he decided to carry the child in her absence!" The nurses were squabbling like caffeine infected hens in a chicken coop.

"I heard he was part of some secret experiment by Dreyford. She'd slipped something into his tea, making him pregnant! He didn't know himself until Jeffrey told him earlier today!" one nurse claimed.

"No, you two are wrong!" a third nurse intervened: "The Eel is a transvestite! He's equipped with both sets!" As the group of nurses laughed joyously to the third woman's explanation Aaron Shutt decided to butt in.

"Excuse me, ladies," he said in a cold tone as his heavy gaze fell onto one particular of the nurses, his wife: "Camille, Alan is one of our friends. I can't believe you would participate in discussing this poor man's downfall like this! And secondly, you are nurses. Still you stand here making up mumbo jumbo that makes me honestly worry about the skills you possess! Is this the way you want to be seen by your patients? As a flock of gibbering women who talks as if they knew nothing about Modern Medicine at all???!"

Camille lowered her golden mane shamefully.

"No…" she and the rest of the nurses around her sighed. Aaron gave them a glare worthy enough to descend from the pope himself before he left them, heading for Jeffrey's office. Since Jeffrey Geiger was his best friend and had been announced as the great discoverer of this whole madness he reckoned *he* was the one that could give him the true version of it all. Aaron was as Jeffrey a man in his midst forties, with grey specks growing by the root of his hair, indicating a midlife crisis not too far away.

"Tell me it isn't true!" he commanded as he stomped into Jeffrey's office. Jeffrey looked up, but there was no surprise in his face.

"Tell you what isn't true?" he asked as he put down the papers he had been reading.

"Tell me that Alan isn't pregnant, that this is the worst version of a Aprils 1st you've ever come up with!" Aaron begged as he dumped down into a chair, rubbing his temples frantically. A smirk appeared on Jeffrey's lips.

"Actually, it's true, and I've got the pictures from Alan's Ultra Sound to prove it!" He handed Aaron a picture, picturing the very first baby to be carried forth by a man. Aaron glared at the picture in silence for a minute. Then he tossed it back down on the desk and moaned.

"Tell me it isn't true!" he repeated: "Tell me that the only one in this hospital that actually would have denied any other man, when Philip's not considered -that is-, hasn't intentionally done this to himself!"

"Dreyford did. The old bat lured him into a trap. Alan is a lonely man, so he figured the old hag could bring some joy to his life. Then she died and Alan picked up the pieces and continued to be pregnant without telling anyone." Jeffrey was annoyingly good when it came to giving reports in report form.

"So Alan is carrying Marion Dreyford's offspring?!?!" Aaron mucked. He never had savoured any soft spots for that prudent bone bag of a woman.

"Of course not! Alan might be naïve, but he's not blind!" Jeffrey denied with a frown on his forehead: "The egg came from an anonymous donor, Dreyford simply made the egg and Alan's sperm meet!" Aaron shook his head in heavy disbelief.

"How's Philip taking it?" he asked. Jeffrey laughed.

"How do you *think* Philip would take it?! He's mad as hell! He tossed me out of his office half an hour ago when I came to show him the Polaroid of Birch Jr.! He's already arranged to try out the case in court, he wants to have the brat put down! The foetus that is, not Alan, although he's quite upset when it comes to him as well," Jeffrey said as he gave the picture of Birch's unborn daughter another glance.

"Well, no wonder Philip's upset!" Aaron stated: "Alan's gone behind the entire hospital's back! What he's done will have after-effects for all of us! What if we get shut down because we're playing Frankenstein?! I can't believe Alan would be so selfish!"

"He's a lonely man, Aaron. Loneliness can do strange things to people. Besides, you should listen to him talk about it, he honestly wants this child," Jeffrey said and crossed his arms across his chest. "You have to admit he's brave, daring to go through with all of this!"

"Brave… or stupid…" Aaron sighed: "Just wait until the press gets a hold of this… There won't be much left of Alan when they're through with him…"

*-*

And as Aaron had predicted, when the media smelled blood they attacked… Alan was hiding in his office late afternoon as he worked up the courage to go out and face the world. Now everybody knew, everybody in the hospital, everybody working in the media. Eight days from now he would fight his hardest battle yet in the courtroom. Philip had worked swiftly and forced the case in the front of the line. It was an urgent case, where the one in question, Alan, had to be protected from his own insanity. Alan didn't know what to say when a messenger delivered the papers to him. And when he found the signature of Philip Watters on the last line he burst into tears again. Many tears had been shed this fateful day, but none as bitter as these.

The phone had been ringing off the hook from the moment the news had been broadcasted outside the borders of Chicago Hope. Nosy journalists wanted a piece of the pie. Finally Alan pulled out the cord from the phone, driven to a nervous wreck by all the ringing. No one had come to see him the entire day after the news was known, except from Billy Kronk. The young doctor had more or less spit in his face and yelled about Alan making him sick to his stomach and so forth and so forth before he'd left, slamming the door so hard it was about to fall off its hedges. At least he showed his reaction. Everybody else seemed to cower in shadows. Jeffrey was the only one who'd offered him some sort of support thus far. At least he hadn't condemned him immediately as Philip had, he showed Alan the courtesy of letting him explain himself. He was scheduled for a psychiatric evaluation early tomorrow. Alan wondered what kind of mental state he would be in, given the probability of him not sleeping much the following night.

Finally he dared his way out of his office. Snide side looks followed him through the corridors and all the way out on the streets where journalists waited like sharks.

"No comment!!!" Alan howled as he prayed the nearest Taxi.

"Can you confirm the alleged pregnancy. Mr. Birch?"

"How far along are you, Mr. Birch?"

"What made you do it, Mr. Birch?"

"Do you expect to win the case, Mr. Birch?"

"No comment!" Alan repeated for the hundredth time as he slammed the taxi door in the faces of the crowd cornering him.

*-*

Luckily no journalists had barricaded the entrance of his apartment, and Alan could pace down the halls in blessed solitude. He locked the door and pulled the phone off the wall, afraid the same racked would start all over again if he waited too long. He ran around, making sure all the windows were shut and with curtains drawn, before he dumped down on the floor, too exhausted to even move to his own bed. Alan sat there, back against the wall with closed eyes, only concentrating on breathing as he tried to brace himself for what had to come. It had only just begun… There would be a lot of attention from the media during the trial and in the weeks before the delivery if Alan ever got that far. Of course the world would be intrigued by reading about a weird little man who went behind his colleagues' backs to create his own Frankenstein Jr.! As a lawyer Alan knew what to expect. But it wasn't less frightening knowing what he had in stall.

Alan had no idea of how long he'd been sitting on the floor. He barely reacted when the sound of his cell phone started ringing inside the briefcase standing by the door. Probably another reporter… Both his legs had fallen asleep during his stay down on the hard floor and Alan stumbled towards his briefcase with great discomfort. It was probably just another reporter. But maybe, just maybe it was Philip. This small hope was enough for Alan to go after it. Disappointment painted his face when he didn't recognize the number on the display and he tossed over the floor in sheer agony. He needed somebody to stand by him now; he was too weak to go through this alone!

<I need your support, Philip…> Alan sunk down on the sofa and was blessed with immediate release.

Chapter 4

Sweet slumber of no dreams… Alan had slept heavily the whole night through, not disturbed by his ringing cell phone. He awoke as he recognized the sound of knocking on his door, and he shot out of the sofa as he realized that he might have overslept to the psychiatric evaluation he was scheduled for this morning.

"Alan, are you in there?" a familiar voice yelled. Alan rushed to the door and opened it, still with confusion plastered to his drowsy face.

"Jeffrey???" He stared dumbly on the man standing outside in the hallway with a smile on his face.

"Alan, you look like crap!" he stated as he walked into the apartment and let Alan lock the door after him. Alan stared at him as if he didn't believe his own eyes.

"What are you *doing* here?" he asked with his forehead in a frown. Then his features turned into panic.

"What time is it???!" he squealed and rushed towards the bathroom.

"Don't worry, you have two hours till your little appointment!" Jeffrey assured from the living room: "And I'm here to make sure you make that appointment. I would advise you to change clothes, that suit you're wearing looks like you've slept in it!"

"That's because I *have*!" Alan yelled back as he squirted cold water into his face. Jeffrey was right, he looked like crap… The print of one of the sofa cushions was etched into his left cheek and his eyes were red and sore. Alan reckoned he needed a miracle to convince a psychiatric board of his sanity in this state.. And as if that wasn't enough he would be nauseous and moody due to the hormone shot he just took.

As Alan hurried over to the bedroom where he kept his clothes he couldn't help but wonder *why* Jeffrey was standing in his living room right now, glaring at one of Alan's paintings hanging on the wall. What was his interest in all of this? Why would he care about Alan making his appointment with a bunch of shrinks or not? As he dressed a sudden sting to his abdomen ordered him to calm down.

"Don't you starting acting up on me as well!" Alan muttered towards his belly as he buttoned his shirt.

"Are you talking to your tummy, Alan?" Jeffrey asked from the living room. Dammit that man had the hearing of a hare!

"I was talking to myself!" Alan said as he stepped into the living room, struggling with the knot of his tie.

"Sure, if you say so." Jeffrey raised his shoulders: "Are you ready?"

"Yes… I think so…" Alan said as he picked up his briefcase and the cell phone he found under an armchair. He had a nagging feeling that he'd forgotten something, but what…

"Wait!" he yelled as he realised what he'd forgotten. Jeffrey took his hand of the doorknob.

"What?!" Alan dropped his briefcase and hurried back to the bedroom.

"I forgot to put on the corset!" Jeffrey walked after him and yanked him away from the closet before Alan had the chance to open it.

"You don't need it any more, Alan. Everybody knows, remember?" he said and patted his shoulder. Jeffrey looked down on the visible bulk hiding behind the lawyer's jacket.

"It's time you let Junior roam free," he added with a crocked smile. Alan drew a deep breath and braced himself.

"Well, I guess it's time to meet the world, then.." he mumbled and walked outside the door with his back not as straight as usual.

*-*

"What the hell are you doing, supporting Alan like this!!!" Philip Watters' fury had no end these days, and now it was Jeffrey's turn to taste the heat.

"He's one man against the world, he's scared. He has no family, and he needs someone to back him up, "Jeffrey simply answered, not intimidated by the hissing Puerto Rican sitting in front of him.

"You're encouraging him to continue this lunacy!" Philip barked and slammed a fist to his desk. Jeffrey raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not encouraging anything! Alan is only a man, he needs some backup. Under this kind of pressure anyone might buckle."

"If you'd stayed out of this Alan would have agreed to go along with the abortion by now!" Philip wouldn't budge. He hadn't spoken a word to Alan since yesterday and wasn't going to either. Not until Alan had come to his senses. That Jeffrey had interfered and showed Alan some support drove Philip's plan to the ground. As long as no one had stepped forward and showed Alan some kindness he would have realized his error and gone along with the abortion. Cruel but effective. But of course the great Jeffrey Geiger finally decided to show some decency for a change and that when it was his cruelty Philip had hoped for.

"Why are you getting so upset by this, Philip? It's not like Alan's murdered someone or anything!" Jeffrey said with his arms across his chest. Philip glared at him.

"Alan's a man. Men don't give birth to children!"

"So it's a biblical thing?" Jeffrey asked and tilted his head. Philip's cheeks went red with fury in an instant.

"Of course it's a biblical thing!" he yelled: "And it's unnatural and it's not allowed!!! Alan deliberately went behind my back, Jeffrey! I'm not going to forget that! I trusted that man, he was like a son to me!"

"I had a son once. He died two years old, but he still did the wrong things sometimes, even when he knew daddy wouldn't approve," Jeffrey said with raised shoulders: "Children makes the wrong choices sometimes, and it's the parents' job to support them no matter what." Philip's eyes became narrowed little slits.

"Don't patronize me, Jeffrey!" he snarled through gritted teeth: "I will never approve of what Alan has done, never!"

*-*

Alan's day went by in a haze. To his great shock a stranger was seated by the desk when he entered his own office. Apparently Philip had decided it was time Alan went on maternity leave…

"You must be the expectant mum!" the tall man with an abundance of gold rings on his fingers announced as Alan took one hesitant step into what once had been his office.

"I'm Gregory Deck, I'm here to substitute for you while you are given a indefinite leave of absence. I tried to call you last night but you never answered the phone…" He held out his hand towards Alan.

"Oh." Alan wished he could vanish into thin air: "I guess I'll be on my way then."

"Alright, see you in court!" Mr. Deck said and dived back down into a considerable large sized pile of papers.

"Excuse me… what?" Alan turned in confusion. The bald-headed man lifted his gaze lazily.

"I will also be leading the case against you. Philip told me you would represent yourself, admirable!" he said in the kind of stuck up friendly tone that only a million dollar lawyer would use. Alan crept out of his office with his tail between his legs. How much humiliation could he take? And how much money was Philip spending on breaking Alan's spirit??

Jeffrey bumped into him down the hall, and Alan jerked away as if he'd been burned. He was afraid of being snapped at again.

"Hey, relax Alan! I'm not gonna bite you!" Jeffrey assured and patted Alan's shoulder.

"I'm.. I'm sorry!" Alan excused: "I think I'm a little off today.." He rubbed his neck and gazed into thin air as he often did when he was trying to think.

"Just remember to breathe and you'll be alright!"

"It's easy for you to say, you haven't had your brain evaluated by three scowling psychiatrists!" Alan moaned, and remembered his meeting earlier that morning. An eyebrow rose to the air as Jeffrey looked down at him.

"Insane elevator man, remember?" he said with poorly hidden sarcasm. Alan's cheeks went red.

"Oh, you're right!" he squealed: "How could I forget that!?" Jeffrey chuckled.

"Don't you just hate it when they use the word *describe* when they want you to spill your guts?!" he added and shook his head. Alan's eyes went vivid:

"I can't stand that!!" Alan agreed, gesturing both hands to his head: "And I *hate* the superior tone they always use, as if they know everything that goes on inside your brain!"

"Exactly!" Jeffrey nodded: "They make you feel like a tick!" They both chuckled to this, and then the awkward silence that always appeared when they ran out of things to say came. Alan stood frozen for a few seconds, not knowing what to say.

"I'll better get on my way… I have a doctor's appointment in five minutes.." he mumbled shyly.

"Yeah, better get on my way my self.. busy schedule!" Jeffrey said and gave Alan a nod.

"There's just one more thing…" he added, making Alan stop.

"I would consider buying some new clothes if I were you. The ones you have seem to be getting a little too tight around the waist.." he said with a smirk before he hurried down the halls again. Alan gaped at him, at first not liking what the heart surgeon was inclining, but then he took a second look, down on his pouting stomach and decided Jeffrey was right. During the period he'd worn the corset Alan's clothes fit easily, but now it was easy to see that Alan was growing too big for his old suits.

*-*

Later that same day Alan learned that lawyer Deck had called for a press conference the following day, without inviting Alan. Just as fine, actually, Alan wasn't ready to confess his pregnancy for the whole world yet. Besides, Philip would probably be there, and Alan wasn't ready to face him either. But the rumours about his pregnancy seemed gullible enough for most reporters as they still were swarming the hospital like rats smelling blood. Alan half expected them to come bursting through the walls when he was at his first appointment with the doctor that would be in charge of his pregnancy for the time being. Melissa Gargoyle was the unpleasant name of an unpleasant woman. She looked like she was handling a disgusting snail during her examination of Alan.

After an hour of pricks, Ultra Sounds, measuring, weighing and other pregnancy related things she declared him healthy as a fish, except from a high blood pressure, and sent him on his way with the following message.

"You're not a woman, Mr. Birch, you're not supposed to be graced with such a condition. There are thousands of women out there I would rather help having a baby than you! You make me sick, the way you alter the rules to your own advantage!"

Alan said nothing in his defence. He was too busy preparing his mind for the coming day. The pressure from the media was already quite high from the tabloids, but Alan could add ten times the pressure by this time tomorrow, when the ones that considered themselves the serious part of media would start the race to have exclusivity to the story about the sad little man who went against nature. He'd already handed over all the papers he'd conveniently removed from Dreyford's office, knowing any refusal to do so would end up in suing and accusing him of stealing hospital property.

It was quite a surprise for Alan to discover that so far Jeffrey Geiger was his only support. Everybody else avoided him like Typhoid. He'd accidentally crossed the path of Aaron Shutt, and he'd pretended he didn't see him at all. Alan soon realized he had nothing to do in Chicago Hope as it were now. His job was taken from him, and the scowls he received by everybody that graced him with a glare as he passed by was enough to scare any man to a life behind bars.

So Alan decided to give everybody the break they seemed to need, and to go to some clothing stores, and have that problem out of the way before the journalists and TV-teams started to follow at his heals. Now, shopping for clothes had never been much fun for Alan, and this day proved no different. A lawyer has to dress respectable, and that means fitting clothes. Everything Alan tried on was either too tight in the waist or had to long arms and legs.

"Don't worry, I'll have that fixed for you by tomorrow if you're in a hurry!" the expiditian slash tailor assured with a winning smile.

"Am I right if I guess that you're a lawyer?" he asked smugly as he started to fold the arms of the jacket Alan was trying on. Alan glared at his own reflection in the mirror. He looked older than his thirtyour years. These last couple of days had left their mark on him. He seemed to have lost the trusty look that always had stood by him no matter how many times he'd been let down. The last drop, he reckoned. Sooner or later he would have to loose his faith to this world.

"I have a big trial coming up next Friday. I need at least seven new suits ready to then and delivered at my apartment. Do you think you can handle that?" Alan didn't even look at the man as he spoke. He was too afraid to discover recent in another human being's eyes.

"Sure can, Mr. Birch! You just show me what suits you want and let me measure you and I'll start working on them right away!" the corpulent man beamed. He looked like he just had won the state fare.

*-*

Alan sat in front of the TV set in the living room of his apartment, hand resting on top of his stomach. The press conference on Chicago Hope started in two minutes, and it seemed like every major TV- channel was airing what was guessed to be a major medical break through.

"I guess you'll be on everybody's lips tonight, sweetie," he addressed his unborn daughter as a certain Gregory Deck appeared on the TV-screen. What was that, a Gucci-suit?! And behind the overpaid lawyer, on his left, Philip was standing, face grey as ashen.

"He looks as terrible as me," Alan mumbled, rubbing his cheek half in surprise. After some seconds of silence, Mr. Deck opened his mouth.

"Good day, ladies and gentlemen! I've called for this press conference today to shed light to a rumour that seems to have been circulating both in Chicago Hope and the media the last couple of days. First of all I want to make it perfectly clear that what I'm about to reveal is the solemn act of the late scientist Marion Dreyford, who died tragically in a car accident some months ago. Secondly, and this is important; this woman did not act with Chicago Hope's medical board's permission, this is the act of this woman alone!"

"Cut to the case!" someone down in the audience yelled. A slight blush appeared on the lawyer's cheeks before he continued.

"A couple of days ago Philip Watters, the hospital manager, learned that Ms. Dreyford indeed went through with her plans and started testing out an unauthorised pregnancy on a male subject in the months before she died." A roar of mumbling could be heard and Alan immediately decided not to take a step outside his apartment until the trial had begun.

"This pregnancy was never meant to be, and the hospital board has decided it best to be terminated immediately. Unfortunately the test subject denies to end the pregnancy, and this has forced Watters to go to trial against Chicago Hope's former lawyer, Mr. Alan Birch."

Alan turned off the TV. So Mr. Deck just *had* to mention his full name, didn't he! He would have people running down his apartment in matter of minutes. That sly son of a bitch!

"Well, I'd just as well get started on our defence, don't you think?" he said as he checked one last time that he had locked the entrance door and headed out to his home office.

*-*

The day of the trial finally arrived. Alan had been living in a nightmare of pushy journalists and TV-crews constantly calling him for a statement or an interview. And when they realised he didn't answer his phone they started knocking on his door instead. He received daily hate mail from people who hoped he would burn in hell and so forth for his deadly sin. Alan even had groups of angry women marching outside his window, screaming towards the man who'd dared to steal women's most precious gift. Banners like "God made women for a reason, stop eradicating us!" and "The Devil's seed must die!" was waved towards Alan's window up in the third floor with much excitement and dedication. Little sleep was granted the weary lawyer as he prepared for the trial of his life, and by the arrival of the eight and final day, a little seed of doubt had been planted in his mind.

Maybe Philip had a point. What kind of life could Alan offer his daughter in a world that was already treating her like a freak?

<I'm the freak, not her!> he mumbled as he stepped outside his apartment and into the raging sea of reporters and TV-crews. Flashes went off in his face, as he was photographed from every imaginable angle on his way to the car.

"No comment!" he yelled over and over again, until he realized it was a waste of breath. But there weren't only reporters that now where chasing him down to the basement where his car was parked. Some of the demonstrates also picked up the chase and took the opportunity to yell at him as he hurried towards his shelter.

*-*

Alan realized when stepping out of his car downtown, outside the Court Hall, that the wave of eager mikes jammed up his face was only a taste of what was to come outside Court. He was shoved and poked, asked and yelled at, more or less treated like a human piñata.

"Is it true that you intentionally hid the pregnancy from the hospital board?"

"Is it true you might die if you go through with this pregnancy?"

"Is it true you're carrying twins, Mr. Birch?"

He was an inch from falling to the ground and stop existing. Alan wondered if this was what it felt like, going mad, when he recognized a voice that made him straighten his back and continue fighting his way through the crowd.

"Let him be, you god damn weasels! You'll get your god damn story if you just let him pass you, stupid morons!" Jeffrey Geiger was heading Alan's way in express speed, elbowing his way through the hordes of reporters. Alan desperately tried to work his way towards the doctor, convinced he would get squished like an overdone tomato if he stayed in the middle of this crowd much longer.

"Come Alan!" Jeffrey barked and took Alan by the hand and led him most efficiently towards the steps leading into the Court Hall. Well inside Alan thanked Jeffrey in a hurry before he stormed towards the nearest men's room, where he emptied his stomach.

"No respect!" he moaned towards his own reflection in the mirror as a pale creature stared back at him. How the hell was he going to survive this pressure? Philip had been terrified of the idea of the case dragging out in court and had made sure it would all be over in a day, thank god. There was no way in hell Alan would last any longer.

The path down to his desk in the courtroom seemed ten miles long this day. He passed frowns, giggles, loathing looks and downright snarling on his way down the rows of audience. To his left prosecutor Deck was flanked by Philip and what Alan believed to be an intern of Deck's. Of course Deck would have interns, Alan thought as he took place by counsel for the defence's desk, all by himself. His daughter made some protesting moves as he sat down and decreased her space. Alan looked uneasily around before he unbuttoned his jacked as he used to when sitting down in the courtroom. It was like a million eyes were pawing at him, trying to get a look under his jacket.

"Relax, Alan, just relax!" Alan thought to himself and forced himself to breathe. Then Judge Aldrich entered the courtroom with the following greeting to Alan from the high of his desk.

"So it is TRUE then, you've gotten yourself knocked up!!" the old man barked, seemingly terribly satisfied with his own line. Alan knew there wasn't a chance in hell he would be able to relax that day…

*-*

Four hours and one recess later counsellor Deck called his expert witness to the stand. Alan was having severe problems, as Deck had plucked holes in every point of defence Alan had been able to come up with so far. Now it seemed Deck was going for the kill, first with the statement of Expert witness Michael Gore, and as the final nail in the coffin- Philip Watters. Alan's palms were as sweaty as his forehead, his stomach was acting restless and he had to force himself to keep his eyes open.

"Doctor Gore, could you be so kind as to explain for us how this is even possible, how can Alan Birch be pregnant?" Deck asked the aging man seated in the witness box.

"Marion Dreyford used what amongst scientists are known as an In Vitro Fertilization technique. That means that fertilisation takes place outside the body in a laboratory. Further she induced an ectopic pregnancy by implanting an embryo and placenta into Mr. Birch's abdominal cavity, just under the peritoneum." Mr. Gore answered while looking grave.

"What is an ectopic pregnancy, Mr. Gore?" Deck asked with a bright smile plastered on his sun tanned face.

"That's a gestation elsewhere than in the uterus. For women, this usually occurs in the fallopian tube. Symptoms include abdominal pain, fainting, and/or vaginal bleeding. There is a severe risk of massive haemorrhage when the ectopic ruptures; this is also the most common cause of women dying in pregnancy," the expert witness stated. And now the million dollar lawyer could show off his skills as an actor.

"Are you saying that Mr. Birch might *die* if he follows through with this pregnancy?!" he more or less gasped, although everybody in the room knew he'd coached the witness several times and knew exactly what he would say.

"I'm afraid so," Gore answered: "as far as I'm concerned the only option here is the abortion."

Alan felt the man's words like a blow to his face. He'd been granted a clean slate from three psychiatrists but that still wasn't able to mend the damage this man just did to Alan's case.

"I have no further questions, your Honour!" Deck announced smugly and went back to his seat. Alan's turn… He took a deep breath as he rose to his feet, buttoning his jacket, pacing slowly towards Mr. Gore.

"I take it you are an expert on the term of ectopic pregnancies?" he asked, with a careful smile that seemed to warm the grey-haired man.

"That's right, I am considered to be one of the leading experts on ectopic pregnancies today," Gore answered. It struck Alan that he looked like the grandfather he'd always wished for.

"Then could you please tell me *how* I endanger my life by going through with a pregnancy outside of a uterus?" Alan asked him kindly.

"During a normal pregnancy the placenta will attach to the wall of the uterus, where it will continue to grow throughout the pregnancy. The uterus is the vascular organ in most mammals that unites the foetus to the maternal uterus and mediates its metabolic exchanges through a more or less intimate association of mucosal with chorionic and usually allantoic tissues. The uterus both protects the baby and the mother's internal organs, while an ectopic pregnancy doesn't offer this protection. In stead of the safe surroundings an uterus can offer the baby is implanted into the abdominal cavity, just under or into the peritoneum. In this case the placenta will form such intimate connections with surrounding vessels that massive haemorrhage is likely."

Alan walked away from the stand while he seemed to be pondering the witness' words.

"So basically what you're telling me is that I risk bleeding to death?" he asked as he turned towards him again.

"That's right," Mr. Gore answered and nodded. Alan continued pacing slowly back and forth.

"When would I be in greatest danger of bleeding to death, would it be during a procedure, or right now, just pacing back and forth like this?" Gore moved uneasily in his seat.

"The greatest risk…" he hesitated a moment before he continued: "would be of you suffering from severe haemorrhaging during removal of the featus… But it's still risky, no matter wh…"

"So you're claiming the most dangerous approach would be to remove the child I'm carrying, is that right?"

"Well.. yes, but you would have to remove the foetus sooner or later anyway!" Gore stated, a drop of sweat appearing on his forehead.

"That might be, Mr. Gore, but the very core of the case here is that my pregnancy should be ended because I might die if I carry through with it. What you've just stated is that it is actually *more* dangerous for me to go through an abortion now, than if I stayed pregnant! In fact, I might have some more months to live *if* I walk out this courtroom today with the case dismissed! One last question before you are free to leave Mr. Gore: Has there ever been any reported cases where women has survived ectopic pregnancies?"

"Yes, several," Gore answered.

<Eat them apples, Deck!> Alan thought triumphantly as he strolled back to his desk.

*-*

Deck held his face well as he called his last witness. This was what Alan was dreading most, to battle Philip verbally. It was obvious Deck was using Philip to scare his opponent. He only asked him a couple of non solving questions before he left the witness to Alan, hoping he wouldn't dare to enter the floor.

"So, knocked up little toad, are you taking the floor, or not?" Aldrich growled. Alan moaned silently and stepped out on the floor. He approached Philip, but he didn't dare to look him into the eye.

"Mr. Watters, would you be so kind and express your feelings about my pregnancy to the court?" Alan asked, still avoiding the older man's eyes.

"I'm angry," Philip simply answered.

"Why?" Alan took a few steps away from the witness stand, hoping that would lure Philip into talking. Philip raised his gaze, and this time Alan couldn't avoid his eyes.

"You betrayed me, Alan!" Philip barked: "you deliberately went behind me and the entire hospital's back in a selfish act that might have cost Chicago Hope's reputation!"

Alan had to pry his gaze away from Philip's, feeling his stomach turn in objection as he closed his eyes for a second to gather his mind. He was scared, so scared that all he wanted was to flee away from this room and never return. He was fighting the fight of his life, and to win he had to conquer the man he considered his best friend. Alan was starting to doubt if it was worth it. Was all this trauma and pain worth it? What would he gain from all of this, he didn't even know if he was a fit father! For all he would know he might buckle under and give the baby up for adoption, too scared he wasn't up for the job. He received a hard jab to his rib as a reward for those thoughts, and by the time he opened his eyes again, his mind had cleared. If he wasn't ready to fight for himself, at least he would fight for his daughter! The old Alan awoke as he once more approached Philip, gentle kindness embracing his eyes as he met Philip's eyes and didn't buckle.

"Are you disappointed in me, Philip?" he asked gently: "I know I've let you down, and for that I'll never be able to forgive myself. But if I had the choice one more time I would do it all over again. And do you know why? Because my biggest dream is to be as good a father figure to a child of my own as you've been to me. You're the closest to a father I've ever had, and I've wanted to have that experience as a father my entire life."

"That doesn't justify you doing what you did!" Philip snapped back, no mercy hiding in his tone of voice.

"Objection!" Deck yelled from his desk.

"Sustained!" old Aldrich agreed: "Your job is to ask the witness questions, counselor, not to tell him your boring inner wishes!"

"I'm sorry your Honor, I got carried away there for a second," Alan excused himself with a nod. Then he went back to Philip who glared back at him as if he had a great wart on the tip of his nose.

"What would be your recommendation as a doctor in my case?" he asked.

"Given the fact that you're a man and shouldn't be pregnant in the first place, and given the fact that you endanger your own life if continuing this pregnancy I see abortion as the only option," Philip answered grimly.

"Why should the fact that I'm a man have anything to do with me being pregnant and why I shouldn't go trough with the pregnancy?" Alan knew what Philip had to answer as a trusting Catholic.

"God created women *and* men, not men. If God had any intention of having men giving birth to children you would have been born with the right equipment to do so!"

"But as a doctor you have to look away from your religion, don't you?" Alan stated firmly, but gently as he slowly worked Philip's statements to his favor.

"Yes, but…"

"And as I asked your opinion as a *doctor*, the only objection you would have against my pregnancy is the fact that it might kill me, isn't it?!" Philip's face slowly grew red as he understood what Alan was doing to him.

"Yes," he answered after some hesitation.

"Then, Mr. Watters- I would like you to tell me how an abortion usually takes place," Alan prompted as he started to pace back and forth on the floor again. Philips shifted in his seat and started to explain with much discomfort.

"A regular abortion consists in scraping the unborn fetus out of the uterus of the woman before the end of the fourth month of the pregnancy…"

"That's right Mr. Watters, under normal circumstances that would be the case. But this isn't normal circumstances, is it. So in my case, how would the abortion take place?" Alan asked him, rubbing his lower back to the discomfort nagging him to lay down and take the load off his feet.

"In your case the fetus will have to be removed through open surgery, more or like an ectopic Caesarean section," Philip reluctantly answered.

"More or like an ectopic Caesarean section or *exactly* like an ectopic Caesarean section, Philip!" Philip's glare told it all, Alan had him by the throat.

"*Exactly*… like an ectopic Caesarean section…" Philip mumbled. Alan swallowed the urge to smile triumphantly as he cut to the next issue on his schedule.

"You've had some experience with premature children, haven't you, Philip?" Alan asked as he tossed a glance towards Mr. Deck.

"Some, but not much." Alan stopped in the middle of his pacing, as he asked Philip a simple, but vital question:

"I would like you to prognoses the survival rate for a twenty-six weeks old fetus. What would this baby's chances for survival be if it was born at Chicago Hope?"

"It would need intensive care, and even that wouldn't guarantee survival!"

"How big would a twenty-six weeks old fetus be?" Alan continued, looking much calmer than he felt.

"By twenty-six weeks…" Philip thought about it: "it would be approximately seven hundred grammes and thirty-five centimeters long."

"Chicago Hope is a place where miracles unfolds, I see it every day. As a doctor, Philip, how much did the smallest premature infant Chicago Hope has saved weigh?"

"I believe it weighed about 465 grammes…" Philip sighed. He knew exactly where Alan was going with this.

"So you're basically saying that you want to terminate a child that, with help," Alan added when he saw Deck open his mouth to protest: "would have a fair chance at survival?"

"That child is the result of gene manipulation! It should never have existed in the first place!" Philip snarled, unable to control his temper any more.

"So... let's say you go ahead with the C-section, Philip. The fetus is removed from my stomach. Then what? Are you going to lay it aside on a table and let it suffocate to death?" Alan had to suppress a moan as a sharp twinge answered his own uneasiness discussing his daughter's faith like this.

"Basically, yes." Philip's eyes were hard as ice as he stared at Alan.

"I have no further questions, your Honor," Alan said and left the floor.

There, he had survived this far, now all he had left was his closing statement and receiving the final result from the judge.

"Does the counsel of defense have any witnesses to call to the stand?" the judge barked, seemingly in need of a nap.

"Ehm.. no your Honor, I.."

"Excuse me, Alan- you seem to have forgotten about me!" a strong voice from the audience declared. Alan turned his head in surprise to find Jeffrey yet another time.

"Jeffrey?" Alan tilted his head and squinted his eyes in both surprise and disbelief:

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am!" Jeffrey answered: "Unless Mr. Deck here has anything against it, of course?"

"I object! Mr. Geiger is not listed as a witness!" Gregory Deck immediately cried as he shot to his feet. Judge Aldrich got a frown on his forehead.

"Oh what the heck! The little expecting toad might as well get a witness too, you've had several counselor!" he yapped. Alan now turned his head in surprise in that direction.

And so it was that Jeffrey Geiger, the heart surgeon, was called to witness in favor of Alan Birch. Alan entered the floor, not knowing if this was a good thing or a bad one.. After Jeffrey was sworn in Alan approached him in usual manner.

"Mr. Geiger, what's your field of expertise at Chicago Hope?" he asked, still not able to hide the surprise in his face.

"I'm one of the top five heart surgeons in the world," Jeffrey answered smugly.

"And you're the Doctor that revealed my pregnancy, isn't that right?"

"Yep, it certainly is!" Jeffrey said with a smirk: "I remember Philip hitting the ceiling when I told him."

"You've done a physical test on me,"

"That's right!"

"And your prognosis, considering both my and the fetus health were?" Jeffrey raised his shoulders as he used to.

"You're as healthy as a fish, Alan, and so is the baby. You're carrying a perfectly healthy baby girl!" Alan drew a deep breath before he asked the last and final question:

"And do you agree, as a doctor, that the only reasonable action to take is to kill the child I'm carrying?" Jeffrey leaned forward and looked out into the court room as he answered:

"As a doctor *and* friend, absolutely not! To kill the child so far into the pregnancy is murder, nothing else! The Hospital Board is only looking for a scapegoat, in Ms. Dreyford's absence. Since she's no longer around to take the blame, and since you legally is the victim in this, they only have one option left; to remove the child you're carrying. Your unborn daughter is a vital, healthy baby girl who deserves life as much as any of us!"

"Thank you, Jeffrey," Alan said and meant it with all of his heart: "I have no further questions your Honor!"

Deck threw Alan a cold glare before he entered the floor to try and tear Jeffrey apart.

"As a *man* Mr. Geiger- doesn't Mr. Birch's pregnancy repulse you?" he demanded more than asked as he approached the witness stand.

"Yes," Jeffrey answered honestly: "it did at first. But not any more. I've grown accustomed to Alan with a big belly, it's really not that hard!" he answered, smiling as he said it.

"But you have to agree that it is unnatural for a *man* to carry forth a child?!"

"Sure, but come on counselor! Birch's already half woman!" Jeffrey argued, still with a devious glint in his eye: "Look at him! Have you seen more feminine hands on a man? And those eyes, big, baby blue eyes- not the kind of eyes you would usually find on man, is it? Besides he behaves like a woman. He's kind, considerate, trustworthy… all qualities you usually find with women. I'm not arguing this should become every man's choice, I still think the whole bearing children thing should be done by women! But here we're talking about a child born further than half to term, as normal as any child born forth by a woman. As a doctor I'm obligated to help that child, no matter the gender of the one carrying her!" Alan didn't know if he should consider himself flattered or humiliated. Deck rolled his eyes and left the floor like a sulking child.

"No further questions!" he barked and thumped down on his chair.

Chapter 5

The moment had arrived, for Alan's closing statement. Mr Deck had just finished his, urging the court to look beyond Alan's attempts of giving the foetus he was carrying a face. It was simply an object of an experiment that never should have taken place, and therefore it had to be put down. Alan was shaking all over as he had to listen to this man condemning his daughter.

He entered the floor, pulse racing away in his chest. Alan could feel his daughter's frantic movements as he stopped at the center, knowing this was his last chance to influence the decision that was to be made later this fateful day.

"I am a lonely man," he said, a sad smile underlining his words as his eyes swept across the room.

"My days rush by in a haze, grey, dull, lonely... I try to blend in and to be one of the guys, but still nothing can change the fact that I'm different, I'm not a part of the group. I don't have many friends.. In fact I believe everybody I can call my friends are located in this very courtroom today."

No one dared to meet his gaze as he looked one last time for some comfort. Alan continued to pace as he let the courtroom have a peek at his loneliness:

"I call them my friends, and they even have a pet name for me, The Eel," he said, noting Jeffrey smiling from his seat: "Strangely enough I've grown to like it over the years. They say pet names is a sign of love, and as the Eel, at least I know my life at Chicago Hope is noticed. Sadly my condition may have ended most of the friendships I have, and for that I am truly sorry, for I knew to full extent what the consequences of my actions would be if I went ahead with the pregnancy. Still I went ahead and did the crime, knowing I would loose most of my precious friends in the process." Alan had to take a deep breath before he continued, struggling with the promise of tears if he halted too long.

"I wanted this child. I wanted it so much I decided to carry her forth my self when I got the chance. Not the wisest decision I've made, I'm sure. But I don't regret it for one second! I may have been wrong in my choices, I may have acted upon selfishness and loneliness, but you can't sentence the child I'm carrying to death because of *my* sin! There's a limit for abortions, and this is passed with several weeks, the only way to end the pregnancy now is by murder. If the hospital have grudges against my acting in this case they should punish *me* and not my daughter. At twenty-six weeks an unborn child is fully developed. The last remaining three months she grows and her lungs and heart matures to manage life on the outside. For me, personally, it's terrifying to think that Chicago Hope are willing to kill a child that have nothing what so ever with this to do at all. If she'd been carried forth by a woman she'd been safe from any hospital board in the world, protected even from her mother. My daughter isn't granted this right, why? If you're going punish somebody for this, then punish me! I went into this with open eyes, accepting what Ms. Dreyford was offering me. But don't, I say DON'T kill my baby girl for the mistakes her father is responsible for!"

There, now it was up to the judge, Alan could do no more.

*-*

The recess went by in a fog of mixed emotions. Alan spent most of the time in the men's room, simply sitting inside a locked stall to get some peace. He was so stressed out that his chest was aching, and Alan was worried his blood pressure was rising to new levels. First now he started to consider what would happen to him if he lost the case. If so he would have lost everything, both his life at Chicago Hope and his daughter. There would be nothing left to live for…

He had no idea of how long he'd been sitting there when Jeffrey entered the neighbor stall and announced that the judge was on his way back in.

<This is it!> Alan thought and rose on shaky legs. He patted his stomach for luck, and went outside, not knowing what would meet him as he entered the courtroom. Thankfully he wasn't the last one to enter the room, the judge was still missing… Alan sat down, trembling all over in nervousity. The courtroom was boiling with tension that silenced as soon as the wrinkled face of judge Aldrich appeared from a sidedoor back in the room. He dragged himself to his chair with a smirk on his face. Alan shuddered. Was that a good or a bad sign??

Finally the judge sat down, and after an elaborate pause he finally opened his mouth.

"In my days as a judge I've never come across a case as ludicrous as this!" he started, bending over his desk to look down on his audience.

"When men starts to give birth to children I seriously consider withdrawing from office! What kind of hospital are you running, Mr. Watters who don't notice a pregnant *man* walking around your halls?! Look at the little toad, it's plainly obvious something's going on; he looks like he's swallowed a beach ball for crying out loud! And you, Mr. Birch- as a lawyer I shouldn't expect much more. So you're lonely, boohoo, so you want to become father… Have you ever heard of the term *dating*??! But noo.. the smug lawyer knows his way around the law, the smug little toad decides to do it himself! The martyr of all men who wants to become a single parent! Why in God's name would you run the risk of suffering from all these awful medical conditions these doctors have been referring to all day? The experts can say what they will, but for a man to even consider the hardships of carrying a baby to term he has to be utterly mad!!"

Alan felt his stomach sink down to his heals. He was loosing! He couldn't believe it, he was loosing! He stared at the old man who stared back at him as he continued his speech without flinching.

"Yes, Mr. Birch- I consider you mad!!!! You're equally mad with all the women around this country bringing children to this world where the dogs eat the dogs! But no matter how much it repulses me that you've actually managed to knock your self up I can't find one smidge of reason as to condemn the unlucky child you're carrying to death. Maybe it is too bad for the baby.. but I can't sentence a child to death because her parent isn't of the right gender. Therefore I have no choice but to judge in favor of the defendant! I hope your ankles get so swollen you can't walk, you weird little toad! And keep out of my courtroom while you're breastfeeding!" And with that closure to his closing statement, old judge Aldrich left the courtroom that erupted into a chaos beyond anyone's imagination.

Alan sat like frozen for five minutes, so moved he'd forgotten how to use his legs. His daughter had been saved after all! From now on all of Alan's life would circle around his daughter, making sure she would get the best life possible. If that ruled him out of the picture he was willing to accept it, but he still had hope he would spend the future together with her.

Finally he got to his feet, closing his briefcase with shivering hands as the courtroom emptied behind his back. A horde of media people would attack him the second he left this room, but Alan didn't care. His daughter was safe, that was all that mattered! So filled with emotions, Alan didn't notice the man approaching him before he started talking.

"Alan.." Alan turned in surprise, a confused smile forming on his face as he recognized the man standing opposite him.

"I didn't believe you would ever talk to me again, Philip?" he asked. There was no hostility or bitterness in his voice, just surprised happiness. But no redemption floated to the surface in Philip Watters' dark eyes.

"I still intend to speak to you as little as possible Alan. But I'm not going to stand on the sideline and let you kill yourself with your stupidity! You're admitting yourself to the hospital at once; you're staying off your feet as much as possible the next months. When the child is born you can leave and never set foot in Chicago Hope again." With these words Philip turned and left, stubborn bitterness rushing his footsteps.

The smile had vanished from Alan's face.

*-*

"Here's your room Mr. Birch!" The nurse was stern looking and brief. Alan felt like he had joined some crazy hospital marathon, running around in the corridor trying to keep in touch with the speeding nurse.

"Wow!" he gaped as he entered the room and realized he had been granted a single room, something very rare on the maternity ward.

"Are you sure there hasn't been a mistake in the system somewhere?" he said as he looked around; bright blue eyes taking in the luxury: "I mean, I'm only twenty-six weeks along I wouldn't be the one taking this room from someone who's in more need of privacy, I wouldn't mind sharing." But his bright smile soon dampened when he met the sour glare from the fern nurse.

"Mr. Watters decided you would stay in a single room. It would be upsetting for the expecting mothers to share a room with you. You'll find your hospital coat on the bed there. Meals are listed on the sheet of paper stapled to the door. Good day Mr. Birch!"

"Learn when to shut up, Alan!" he mumbled to himself as the door slammed shut. He was occupying women's territory now, as a stranger in a foreign land. With a sigh he had another look on the white- painted room where he would spend the next months and picked up the garment he was going to wear for the next weeks. Pink. Of course he would be given the only *pink* hospital coat Chicago Hope had to offer… He wouldn't be much surprised if Jeffrey had ordered it especially for him…

Half an hour later he was tugging said hospital coat with a frown on his forehead. Of course *his* coat was missing some seems, something that caused it to show half his back and most of his ass… Still he hadn't been able to lay down on the bed, though. It felt unnatural for him to lie down in this state. He didn't feel much discomfort, and he was a man used to little or less spare time. What was he going to do for two bloody months?!?!? Gregory Deck stayed on as General Counsellor for the hospital, and according to Philip Alan no longer had a job at Chicago Hope. Alan only hoped Deck was more than a smug grin and expensive habits. He wouldn't stand see Chicago Hope run to the ground by this guy!

As he stood there, on the floor, not really knowing what to do another nurse entered the room. Alan spun around, trying to cover his displayed back with a shameful smile.

"Camille, what a surprise!" he exclaimed.

Aaron Shutt's wife gave him a quick, nervous looking smile as she hurried towards the bed where his charts hang.

"You should be in bed, Alan!" she said as she scurried about, checking the windows, the bathroom, the bed…

"Yes, I know.. but it feels awkward going to bed when I feel just fine." His grin grew as she started fluffing the pillows on the bed. She looked restless, like some deer smelling a hunter.

"Well, you should lay down anyway," she answered quickly, and suddenly Alan understood.

"You don't want to be in this room at all, do you?" he stated as she made sure the sheets on the bed were perfectly folded.

"What do you mean?" she snorted, trying to smile him off: "Why should this make me feel uncomfortable?"

"I don't know, maybe you should tell me," Alan answered. He was fed up with everybody of some influence in his life avoiding him. Now it was time for some answers. Camille sig